It is the season to be Jolly

So it is getting to that time of the year, work parties, Christmas parties, New Year getaways, it is the season to be jolly! Every weekend seems to be filled with reasons to celebrate with yummy food, great drinks and even better company (and with good reason we should be celebrating - we made it, another year of health, happiness and lessons). Me personally, I am a sucker for a cheese platter and a Tia Maria with Coke! But…it hasn’t always been like that.

Is it worth the calories?

The old me (well in one of my phases of learning) the thought of having to test myself and my diet would cause me anxiety. I would very carefully way up if I had the will power to attend these events and not indulge or if it would be easier for me just to miss it altogether. I would count calories, I would punish myself with an extra long run. I would tell myself I didn't deserve dinner that night. Tragic I know, but I am confident when I say, I know I am not alone.

Maybe its Maybelline, or maybe it is a filter?

Being a girl in general, historically in the western culture we have been valued for our cosmetic make up. I know! I know! We have come a long way - women and men have both fought for women’s rights, now being more widely accepted and valued for our minds, our nature and our being.

However this is even complicated again by the massive presence of social media. I have read a lot of arguments from both sides advocating for and against the pressure of social media on women’s self-esteems, and they both have very good points - social media can manipulate and taunt your ego but only if you allow it.

We all know better, on our best days...

It takes a strong willed, confident, wise and content woman to consciously resist the influence and temptation to compare themself to the photo shopped and filtered images of the ideal woman which seem to be plastered everywhere these days; TV, movies, magazine, Facebook, instagram, billboards etc.

But who are these confident invincible women? Sure, we are all her on our best days, we know and acknowledge that photo was probably her 50th attempt of sucking in, pocking her ass out and playing with the filter effects.

But, we all have days where we feel inadequate, where we feel we fall short and we buy into the comparison game (even that girl you are comparing yourself to) - and that is OK, it has a lot to do with the evolution of our psyche (which is explained in an earlier blog ‘it’s OK to not be OK’).

I have been there...

Not only am I a girl in the 21st century who has Instagram and Facebook to turn to for regular reminders of all the amazingly beautiful women out there, I am also a dancer, who out of all places - lives on the Gold Coast. I have been in the industry where I have been told I was too big.

I have been told before if I wanted to be given any more work - I would need to loose weight. I have been surrounded by the culture of girls experimenting with laxatives, prescription drugs such as duromine, and discussions of the easiest ways to bring your food back up.

Surrounded by the lifestyle of weighing food portions and strict routines of eat, gym, sleep, repeat. I am a big advocate for a healthy lifestyle - but not when it consumes you.

It is a poisonous mindset I felt the more I focused on weight, the harder it was to loose it (in hindsight I wish I knew about the effect women's hormones and contraception can have on weight - punishing myself for something that was outside of my control did not help). I hated the gym but did it because I thought that is what I needed to do.

I ate a bland boring diet. I would get jealous of girls eating whatever they wanted because I knew I couldn’t do that without experiencing a heavy weight of guilt. I deliberately committed to three jobs as well as uni so it wasn’t even possible for me to attend these social events and be tempted by unhealthy choices. It was a poisonous mindset that dominated every second of every day and dictated every decision I made.

I was lucky, I realised early and chose to make changes that I deserved...

I was lucky, this mindset didn’t stick around for long. The fact that I could recall a time of my life that I didn’t think like that was enough motivation for me to make some changes. Part of me felt that my thinking habits were instinctual - normal - like every girl thought like that, but slowly I came to the realisation I was very wrong - there is so much more to life than continuously monitoring my intake and experiencing waves of guilt.

Food is your friend Now, I am not opening myself up for fire; I understand these symptoms I described earlier probably was the early onset of an eating disorder, and those who do suffer such unfortunate diseases can’t be magically cured by reading this blog, they need the long term support of a mental health practitioner.

I am not naive and I also understand this is not an issue that affects solely women. I acknowledge I am no diet or nutrition expert - however I do know about psychology, challenging and changing perspective in order to experience gratitude and mindfulness - a healthy relationship with food and exercise.

Food should be your friend! Eating something yummy literally makes you happy by releasing endorphins. Our culture like so many others, is built around sharing food, drinks and laughter with friends and family. We need food to fuel our body – it’s imperial that you are able to build a healthy relationship with food not only for you happiness, but your survival!

7 Tips on building a healthy relationship with food and exercise.

1. Eat to fuel your mind, body and soul.

Firstly, a conscious effort to incorporate healthy nutritional meals in your diet and limit junk food is great. However how many of you have started diets? Finished diets? Then gone back to your previous way of eating? I am guessing most of you.

This can be fixed by changing your mindset. Don’t limit yourself to a “diet”, don’t deny yourselves food that literally makes you happy! Skip the diet, just eat healthy! Eat cookie dough when your heart wants it, and kale salad when you’re body needs it. A balanced healthy diet – everything in moderation. Trust me, your mind, body and soul will thank you.

2. Be mindful.

When you are eating, make sure you enjoy each mouthful, savor the taste. Sure when you are having your favourite ice cream, you go right ahead and demolish it! You Go Glen Coco You Go! We aren’t superheroes, everyone has their kryptonite. But, try to get in a habit of  paying attention to your body.

Sit down at a table to eat, rather than eating on the go or while watching TV. Be aware of how your body is feeling, are you full? Have a glass of water, leave it for 10 minutes and give your brain time for your body’s messages to register before you go for seconds (those left overs could be your free lunch tomorrow). Let your body guide you.

3. Be grateful for what you have before you loose it.

Like the relationship you had with your parents before they past away, or a past friendship or lover lost - don’t wait until it’s too late before you realise what you have. Do you recall a time where you had even a cold or flu and you told yourself you would do anything to be healthy again? Well use that same mindset with your body. You only have one, take care of it.

Don’t exercise to loose weight, don’t exercise to get that bikini body, exercise to clear your head, exercise to release endorphins, exercise to prevent cardiovascular disease, exercise to prevent diabetes, exercise to delay the onset of alzheimer’s. Exercise is not punishment - it is a gift. There is someone somewhere who lives their life in a wheel chair and would give anything to go for a run - don’t take your ability for granted.

4. If you don’t like it, don’t do it!

There is no use forcing yourself to go for a run if you hate every minute of it. Likewise there is no point in dragging yourself to the gym if you don’t enjoy yourself! It is so much easier to lead a healthy and active lifestyle when you are honest to yourself and play to your strengths. What do you like? You hate exercise and find it easier to feed your competitive side - get involved in a team sport.

You enjoy the energy and support of a gym - go and pump some weights. You enjoy the peace and solitude that comes with a morning walk - well put your runners on and enjoy ‘your time’. Remember why you are doing it. No-one is forcing you to exercise - you are doing it because some part of it aligns with your values. You are doing this because you want to, you are doing this for you!

 5. Be kind to yourself, you are human.

As I spoke earlier in regards to the mindset of ‘diets’. You are setting yourself up to be punished. You are setting some distinct rules on what you can and can’t do, and no-one likes being told what to do! Rules are made to be broken, and as humans it is in our nature to do exactly that – otherwise there wouldn’t be prisons, divorce, school detentions or time out in the naughty corner!

So after you have demolished that whole tub of cookie-dough ice-cream, don’t beat yourself up and send your self off on a guilt trip (I am sure the belly ache will be punishment enough in itself)…instead, acknowledge ‘that was naughty…oh but so worth it’ and maybe wait until the next weekend before you go do it again, that way it still has the novelty of being a treat.

 6. Pick your friends wisely.

Choose your friendship, leisure, sporting and work groups carefully. You have control over what circle you choose to stay in, so make sure you are choosing contexts that support and encourage you to be the best version of you. I am not sure if it is just a stereotype on the Gold Coast, or if it is the impression the rest of Australia also has on the people that live here, but I often hear “The Gold Coast is so pretentious - people here are so fake”.

Yes, l admit I understand how some people may have that perception, but that is a result of the environment they are in and the people they are choosing to mingle with. I love dancing, but due to the context that surrounded me for a while I lost my passion for it. I consciously decided to leave that environment, as I very well knew you become a product of your environment, and the values that were surrounding me no longer reflected ones I stood for.

Yes the Gold Coast has the best nightlife, but it also has the most beautiful beaches and rainforests. If you don’t want to spend every weekend following your friend’s unhealthy drinking habits, look for friends in different circles, put on your runners and go for a hike, go stand up paddle boarding. Fill your friendship circles with healthy influences, people who pick you up, motivate you, remind you of your worth and support your mind, body and soul.

7. Lead by example.

Women, we are our biggest critics. It is very rare that you hear a man putting a woman down for her weight, eating or exercise habits. We are the ones (majority of the time) making a snide remark “have you seen her in real life? She is fat”, “she’s skinny fat, she’s not toned”, “she would have the perfect body if she had an ass”…etc…the list goes on. Have you heard the quote “girls compete with each other, women empower one another?”.

Once again I don’t agree with insulting a woman’s maturity, but it is true to a certain extent. With experience, wisdom and self-love women do realise competing with some one is just playing to your insecurities. You are beautiful. Every woman is beautiful, and this is because our bodies look different, our minds think different and our souls yearn for different things.

So to help other women, and to do your part in changing women’s mindsets, every once in a while upload a photo of yourself or you girlfriends without a filter or any edits. Lead by example, show other women it is OK to be you, the real authentic you (freckles, stretchmark’s and all)!

When you hear another woman critiquing/commenting on another’s body, I don’t advise you attack her or even instigate a heated debate, what about just commenting on something you love about her rather than joining in on the slamming. Demonstrate to other women what supporting women looks like, so they can learn to do the same.

Lead by example, hopefully with enough leaders leading the self-love movement and consciously resisting the urge to feed the ego and instead choosing to feed their mind, body and soul, others will be encouraged and taught to do the same.