How to surround yourself with good people.
I'm here to have a heart to heart with you 🙈 It sounds super simple and even a bit cliche –I promise it's not though!
I want to talk about women, friendships and female empowerment 👸
It's something I think a lot of us want, but I meet plenty of women that don't experience it in their everyday life. I haven't always been surrounded by women that believe in me like I am today either.
I've been writing about this a lot over the last little while, and I think there are definitely other women out there that are feeling similar things or maybe just need a reminder.
So, I want you to know that what you're about to read is raw and coming straight from my heart ❤️ It might be the gentle hug you need, or maybe you just missed the memo, and everything I'm about to say is news to you.
Credit: Lauren Kerr with the bridal party
What Type of Personalities Do You Enjoy
Like many people, I did a big cull of my friendship group after high school 🙅♀️ I looked at the people around me and started considering the type of personalities that I wanted to be surrounded by. I asked myself which people made me feel good about myself? Which people's company did I enjoy?
Loosing Girl Friends from School
I was surrounded by a lovely group of girls throughout high school, but I came to realisation that they weren't the sort of people I wanted to be around. There was a lot of gossip and they spent most of their time talking about other people; rather than discussing their dreams, hopes and ambitions 😕 I always felt like I was on the outer because I had to know something or be something – it just felt so cliquey 🙅♀️
High School to University
I came to this realisation between the ages of 18 and 20 when I transitioned from high school to uni. I used this realisation as a motivator to purposefully create a really small circle of friends. I wanted this to be a group of women and men that genuinely loved me, supported me, believed in me and spent their time talking about interesting things – not other people! 🙌
University to Now
Given I did this ten years ago now, it seriously feels like a no brainer for me 🤷♀ I mean it when I say I don't have anyone in my circle that spends their time talking about other people. Obviously, other people come up in conversation, but it's never in a negative or judge mental way 🙏
✨ CHOOSING MY FRIENDS HELPED ME CHOOSE MY LIFE ✨
When I made this shift, my lifestyle changed too 😌 I stopped hanging out with acquaintances, I stopped saying yes to events just because "everyone else is going", and I stopped making time for people that didn't fill up my cup, meet me half way or deposited into our friendship as much as they took away 👋
Once I had a really small group of friends, it also improved my romantic relationship at the time (who is now my husband 🙈). Having a super supportive and like-minded group meant I stopped expecting my now-husband to be everything.
He no longer needed to be my sole source of fun, my complete emotional support and the person that had to deal with all of the shit that came out of my mouth too 😂 Of course, I could get those things from him – but I don't think it's fair to expect everything to come from him, so this change really took the pressure off our relationship.
After mentoring and working with women for years now, I've found that when it comes to women empowerment and women supporting women, we are actually our biggest enemies.
So often when ladies put themselves out there, chase their dreams or try something out of the box, they're worried about other women tearing them down...
It's not so much men that have anything negative to say because they've got better shit to do with their time! 🤷♀️ Often it's the high school friendship circle, the girls at work or the girls on social media, and it just blows my mind! 🤯
Credit: Lauren Kerr with friends having a beach side lunch
My Ideal Peer Group
I have been in this happy little bubble for ten years now. Life is way too short to waste my time with people that don't deserve my energy, and I couldn't be happier with the way it's been
🥰 But very recently, I heard some nasty stuff being said. It's been 10 years since high school, and some girls still just have nothing better to do or talk about 😢
If I'd heard what I heard back then, it would have totally shaken my confidence – which I'm sure it would totally do for many of you too 😳 It makes you doubt yourself, second guess your dreams or question whether you should really go after what you want.
Ten years ago, that would have been me too…
But hearing that today, it only reassured me that I did the right thing cutting these people out of my life. By consciously protecting my time, energy and space for ten years, I know that not all women are like that.
There are ladies out there that are so abundant in their energy and perspective that don't waste time talking about people unless its to help raise them up…
Credit: Lauren Kerr with friends
Assessing Your Situation
Maybe you're navigating your own friendship problems right now; you don't feel surrounded by supportive people or find your friends cliquey in social circles.
I'm here to reassure you that not all women are like that - and it's okay not to accept it 🙌
Women Supporting Women
I also want to talk about how we can support each other as women. But as women, we need to show each other what "supporting women" looks like. I get that we don't always have to like everyone (we're human!), but there's no reason to sit around bitching about them 🤔 You don't need to engage in conversations like that!
Don't join in on the slamming and instead show other people the power of kindness.
When everyone is sitting around berating someone, you can jump in and share what you love about that person ✨
You could recognise them for stepping out of their comfort zone and trying something new or for not being afraid to embrace who they are 🤩
As the positive energy that adds valuable contributions to the conversation, you'll show women that it's possible to support each other 👭
You won't just encourage other women to do the same, but I promise you'll start feeling better too. If you stop gossiping and spending time talking about other people, you'll actually have more time and energy to focus on your own life 🧚♀️
When you have your eyes on the positives and the strengths you see in other people, it makes you feel good – and when you feel good, you do good ✨
Credit: Roald Dahl
Focus on Being Positive
I truly believe that this is when life becomes magnetic. The frequency you put out in the world influences the things that come your way, so when you're radiating goodness, it'll come back your way in return 💖
From a health perspective, you store that negative energy talking about others within your body and you can make your body more susceptible to autoimmune diseases too. There's plenty of research around the true extent of this, so there is really no need to waste your time with those people.
So, women. If you're feeling like you don't have support around you – I encourage you to cull your circle 🙋♀️
It can be scary, but it's so worth it. Don't have people in your life just for the sake of having people in your life. There is no need to accept attitudes and behaviours that bring you down.
Start cheering other women on, and if you don't have anything nice to say, just don't say anything at all…
Think of it as an energetic bubble to help you navigate the world. Every time you meet someone, let them earn their spot in your bubble 🙏
Don't give them access to your inner circle until they prove they will fill up your life in all the right ways.
Are they investing as much energy as you are into the friendship?
Do they make you feel good and care for your best interests?
Are they a nice energy to be around or do they bring negativity with their gossiping? 🤔
Credit: Author Unknown
Create a Network for Support
I can hand on my heart say that we've created this environment in The Healthstyle Emporium and Babes in Business.
We spend our time talking about our goals, helping each other and celebrating our success. It's so inspiring to see more than 10,000 women out there supporting each other! 🥰
It starts with you. Show women what supporting women looks like, and your life will completely transform. I promise 💖
