Domestic Violence...lets talk about it.

Recently I’ve been chatting with you all about some of the things we discuss in my book. But this week, I wanted to talk about something that was on my heart 💖 I find it pretty hard to be open and honest about some things in my life when I’m struggling with others.

That’s why I wanted to come here today to talk about domestic violence 👇

I recently attended a beautiful fundraiser for Kelly Wilkinson. You may have heard her story recently on the news if you’re in Australia. Kelly was a Mum of three beautiful children on the Gold Coast and her husband murdered her 💔 Her sister has five children and now looks after Kelly’s three kids, which means she’s got eight kids at home now! 

Image Credit: Lauren Kerr babes in business ocean side

Sadly… I know it’s not a unique story.

Did you know one in six women experience physical or sexual abuse from someone in their household between the ages of 15 and older? 

I have so many lovely ladies part of my community, subscribed to my newsletter, listening to our podcast and following me on Instagram in this demographic, making it super close to home ❤️ It’s even closer to home for me because I used to work in child protection services and met women every single day that were going through domestic violence. I saw how it happens…and even sadder what keeps them in those situations. 😭

During my time working in this space, I found it super tricky to disconnect 😅 I found it really hard to carry on with my day and have people worrying about the littlest things when there were other women just around the corner going to bed each night literally fearing for their life 🙁 A lot of the women in these situations also have kids… and that brought a whole new level of worry too 😭

In the child safety industry, we always stood by the fact that child safety is everybody’s business. I truly believe it’s the same with domestic violence too. It’s super intimate because it usually happens under the roof of a home, and it’s hidden by closed doors, which means many people don’t hear about it or know much about it 🙅‍♀️

Rather than talking about how we can change the world, let’s shift the focus to how you can change your world – your little piece of your world. Who are the people in your life that might need your support? 💫

We can all do our part to recognize the warning signs

No person wakes up one day and thinks, “I’m going to murder my partner today”. It’s always an escalating process, and there are so many warning signs along the way. Although we can often sense that something is wrong from the outside, it’s such a taboo subject that we don’t know how to deal with it or what to say 🤷‍♀️

When we think about the fact that 1 in 6 women go through this, it’s inevitable that someone in your world is in this situation 🤔  But the other scary thing, is that the perpetrator is someone you know too. It could be your mate, brother, dad, colleague or acquaintance, but it’s an uncomfortable and unfamiliar feeling to tackle and even more so - conversation to have. So most of us avoid it. 😱

Standing on the outside, there are many behaviours that we can pick up on to identify these situations.

• A common phrase is that women experiencing these situations become “a shell of themselves”.

• She may stop going out, her energy drops, and she becomes more reserved.

• Another thing to know is that women in these situations often push people away.

• Often when girlfriends are needed the most, they step back and think that they’re being blocked out.  

As a woman, the best thing you can do when you notice these things is not to become a victim blamer and just to be there.

• Continue to check-in and show up – even if that person shuts you out 💖Just be there.

• Ask questions – do they have somewhere safe to go? Do they have someone they can call for help?

Image Credit: Lauren Kerr babes in business on the beach in the afternoon

Sitting on the Sidelines

I have two brothers that are always around other guys at work and play AFL, and I have a husband that is a CEO of his company (so an influence and role model for his own male staff) and he used to play rugby so is constantly surrounded by men.

There are conversations that I have heard over the years amongst men via them that have happened at work, on the sporting sidelines, at the gym or at training that are simply not okay. Sometimes it’s played off as humour but saying really derogatory things about women is just not acceptable.

The problem with just being a bystander and not stepping in is that these perpetrators start to think that it’s okay, and normalise their thoughts and behaviour… and they not only get away with it 🙅‍♀️ but continue to strengthen their beliefs which reinforces their behaviour.

We need to shift this way of thinking to make any real change in the community. It’s about transforming their thinking. If you hear a male say something that really doesn’t sit well with you, we need to step in instead of laughing along (or avoiding it and turning the other way because it’s uncomfortable). It doesn’t mean we have to start a fight, but simply pulling them up shows them where the line is. 

Domestic Violence isn’t always Physical Abuse

Sometimes it’s when there is an imbalance of power and control. A lot of the time, the way men end up controlling women is through money. When men hold money over women, they loose their freedom, their power, their independence and autonomy. They have to start asking permission to do things, go places and see people.

Without money, they become separated from their community, their family and their freedom 😢…which is also where they loose their safety net. They get cut off from people which means loved one’s can’t see or notice the abuse to be able to report it or offer help or emotional support.

If the man controls the money, more often than not it means when she is out socialising - its also with him which makes it even harder for her to ask for help and adds to the illusion thats everything’s ok because they are showing up together. Sometimes his behaviour may come across chivalrous - when really it’s controlling, manipulative and stalkerish.

This is why I am so passionate about empowering women with their own income stream from home. It's not a luxury - it’s our safety and insurance. Download my free ebook if you would love to read some more statistics around women and wealth and how you can be empowered with your own finances and future.

Image Credit: Lauren Kerr babes in business mindset facts

Men Holding Money over Women’s Heads

When you hear comments about men controlling the money or notice situations like this, it can be as simple as asking: How does your partner feel about this?

Girls are much more likely to do this with other women in their life, but we need to encourage more men to do this and engage in this conversation with men - showing empathy and respect for women as equal partners 🙏

They say we’re the result of the five people we spend the most time with, so it’s important to consider what influence you can have on the people in your life too…

You can make a difference…

Stepping in can also be as simple as just sharing openly how you treat your partner as an equal, how you communicate with your partner, how you manage finances as a couple and even how you manage your own emotions, including stress, jealousy and anger. By speaking about meditation, journaling, or exercise to control emotion, rather than physical or emotional manipulation as an outlet, men can drive change by leading by example. It all starts with open conversations. 

Stepping in when you need to is so important 

If you are worried about someone and there’s just something that intuitively doesn’t feel right, you need to speak up. If someone in your social circle makes a really inappropriate joke and you just avoid it because it’s easier. Your silence is making it easier for the perpetrator.

They are getting the message it’s ok. It is normal to think like that. No one is telling them that’s disrespectful or holding them accountable… you’re giving them permission. Please don’t stay quiet. Challenge their perspective and say something. 

Men …

I really believe it starts with you too. Don’t join in on the banter when one of your mates is saying derogatory things about his partner. Opening that conversation can be as simple as saying – I don’t find that funny, that doesn’t sit well with me or that sounds a little bit controlling. 

As I said at the start of this blog, I find it really hard to just go on with my day when I know there are things like this happening in the world around me all the time. We can all do something to be part of change, or at least influence change in our own small world. I have a platform and audience so I figured let’s use it to start a conversation about something that is relevant and affects all of us in some way.

Women…

So this weeks blog is a different energy to usual but trust me when I say my head is always in the clouds dreaming and being positive…but my feet are planted firmly on the ground and I know what the reality is for a lot of women around the world which is massive driver behind what I do - empowering women with community, support, self worth, financial literacy and their own money.

If you’re going through a situation like this, I just want to let you know that you’re not alone and there are definitely support services that can help you. But it’s also up to us – everyday people – to make the change too.

Please know my inbox is always open if you would like to chat…

Sending all my love, light and strength

P.S We hosted a free event this week where we spoke about how we are empowering women all around the world with financial independence if you would love to to watch the replay here. If it resonates with you on any level - please reach out.

How to surround yourself with good people.

I'm here to have a heart to heart with you 🙈 It sounds super simple and even a bit cliche –I promise it's not though!

I want to talk about women, friendships and female empowerment 👸

It's something I think a lot of us want, but I meet plenty of women that don't experience it in their everyday life. I haven't always been surrounded by women that believe in me like I am today either. 

I've been writing about this a lot over the last little while, and I think there are definitely other women out there that are feeling similar things or maybe just need a reminder.

So, I want you to know that what you're about to read is raw and coming straight from my heart ❤️ It might be the gentle hug you need, or maybe you just missed the memo, and everything I'm about to say is news to you. 

Credit: Lauren Kerr with the bridal party

What Type of Personalities Do You Enjoy

Like many people, I did a big cull of my friendship group after high school 🙅‍♀️ I looked at the people around me and started considering the type of personalities that I wanted to be surrounded by. I asked myself which people made me feel good about myself? Which people's company did I enjoy? 

Loosing Girl Friends from School

I was surrounded by a lovely group of girls throughout high school, but I came to realisation that they weren't the sort of people I wanted to be around. There was a lot of gossip and they spent most of their time talking about other people; rather than discussing their dreams, hopes and ambitions 😕 I always felt like I was on the outer because I had to know something or be something – it just felt so cliquey 🙅‍♀️

High School to University

I came to this realisation between the ages of 18 and 20 when I transitioned from high school to uni. I used this realisation as a motivator to purposefully create a really small circle of friends. I wanted this to be a group of women and men that genuinely loved me, supported me, believed in me and spent their time talking about interesting things – not other people! 🙌

University to Now

Given I did this ten years ago now, it seriously feels like a no brainer for me 🤷‍♀‍ I mean it when I say I don't have anyone in my circle that spends their time talking about other people. Obviously, other people come up in conversation, but it's never in a negative or judge mental way 🙏

✨ CHOOSING MY FRIENDS HELPED ME CHOOSE MY LIFE ✨

When I made this shift, my lifestyle changed too 😌 I stopped hanging out with acquaintances, I stopped saying yes to events just because "everyone else is going", and I stopped making time for people that didn't fill up my cup, meet me half way or deposited into our friendship as much as they took away 👋

Once I had a really small group of friends, it also improved my romantic relationship at the time (who is now my husband 🙈). Having a super supportive and like-minded group meant I stopped expecting my now-husband to be everything.

He no longer needed to be my sole source of fun, my complete emotional support and the person that had to deal with all of the shit that came out of my mouth too 😂 Of course, I could get those things from him – but I don't think it's fair to expect everything to come from him, so this change really took the pressure off our relationship. 

After mentoring and working with women for years now, I've found that when it comes to women empowerment and women supporting women, we are actually our biggest enemies.

So often when ladies put themselves out there, chase their dreams or try something out of the box, they're worried about other women tearing them down...

It's not so much men that have anything negative to say because they've got better shit to do with their time! 🤷‍♀️ Often it's the high school friendship circle, the girls at work or the girls on social media, and it just blows my mind! 🤯

Credit: Lauren Kerr with friends having a beach side lunch

My Ideal Peer Group

I have been in this happy little bubble for ten years now. Life is way too short to waste my time with people that don't deserve my energy, and I couldn't be happier with the way it's been

🥰 But very recently, I heard some nasty stuff being said. It's been 10 years since high school, and some girls still just have nothing better to do or talk about 😢

If I'd heard what I heard back then, it would have totally shaken my confidence – which I'm sure it would totally do for many of you too 😳 It makes you doubt yourself, second guess your dreams or question whether you should really go after what you want.

Ten years ago, that would have been me too… 

But hearing that today, it only reassured me that I did the right thing cutting these people out of my life. By consciously protecting my time, energy and space for ten years, I know that not all women are like that.

There are ladies out there that are so abundant in their energy and perspective that don't waste time talking about people unless its to help raise them up…

Credit: Lauren Kerr with friends

Assessing Your Situation

Maybe you're navigating your own friendship problems right now; you don't feel surrounded by supportive people or find your friends cliquey in social circles.

I'm here to reassure you that not all women are like that - and it's okay not to accept it 🙌

Women Supporting Women

I also want to talk about how we can support each other as women. But as women, we need to show each other what "supporting women" looks like. I get that we don't always have to like everyone (we're human!), but there's no reason to sit around bitching about them 🤔 You don't need to engage in conversations like that!

• Don't join in on the slamming and instead show other people the power of kindness. 

• When everyone is sitting around berating someone, you can jump in and share what you love about that person ✨

• You could recognise them for stepping out of their comfort zone and trying something new or for not being afraid to embrace who they are 🤩

• As the positive energy that adds valuable contributions to the conversation, you'll show women that it's possible to support each other 👭

You won't just encourage other women to do the same, but I promise you'll start feeling better too. If you stop gossiping and spending time talking about other people, you'll actually have more time and energy to focus on your own life 🧚‍♀️

When you have your eyes on the positives and the strengths you see in other people, it makes you feel good – and when you feel good, you do good ✨

Credit: Roald Dahl

Focus on Being Positive

I truly believe that this is when life becomes magnetic. The frequency you put out in the world influences the things that come your way, so when you're radiating goodness, it'll come back your way in return 💖 

From a health perspective, you store that negative energy talking about others within your body and you can make your body more susceptible to autoimmune diseases too. There's plenty of research around the true extent of this, so there is really no need to waste your time with those people. 

So, women. If you're feeling like you don't have support around you – I encourage you to cull your circle 🙋‍♀️

It can be scary, but it's so worth it. Don't have people in your life just for the sake of having people in your life. There is no need to accept attitudes and behaviours that bring you down. 

Start cheering other women on, and if you don't have anything nice to say, just don't say anything at all…

Think of it as an energetic bubble to help you navigate the world. Every time you meet someone, let them earn their spot in your bubble 🙏

Don't give them access to your inner circle until they prove they will fill up your life in all the right ways.

• Are they investing as much energy as you are into the friendship?

• Do they make you feel good and care for your best interests?

• Are they a nice energy to be around or do they bring negativity with their gossiping? 🤔

Credit: Author Unknown

Create a Network for Support

I can hand on my heart say that we've created this environment in The Healthstyle Emporium and Babes in Business.

We spend our time talking about our goals, helping each other and celebrating our success. It's so inspiring to see more than 10,000 women out there supporting each other! 🥰

It starts with you. Show women what supporting women looks like, and your life will completely transform. I promise 💖

TIS THE SEASON TO BE JOLLY 🤶 How to find joy more often🎄

🤶Christmas is around the corner ☃️

And we’re on the home run to the end of 2020 now. Crazy, right? It’s been a year of slowing down, surrendering and I’ve had so many breakthroughs. I’ve had the time to dismantle a lot of my self-limiting beliefs which I believe was necessary to take me to that next level and depth in life, business and relationships. 

While there has been plenty of joy in my year, I also acknowledge the challenges we’ve faced too...

When I’ve stopped to ask people how they are over the past few weeks/months, the most common responses that come up are: 

1. Overwhelmed. 😅

2. Worried. 😳

3. Uncertain. 😥

4. Anxious. 🥺

And I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t felt these emotions too! 😅

These feelings are normal… 🤗

Firstly, it’s essential to acknowledge that these feelings are totally normal after the year we’ve all had. Life as we knew it was completely turned on its head 🤯 and we’ve seen changes in just about every aspect of our lifestyles. 

A good indicator of your mental health is that you feel appropriate feelings. So don’t be angry at yourself for being overwhelmed, being stressed or feeling worried right now, because the fact that you’re even feeling those emotions means that you actually do have good mental health because those are all natural responses to the usual circumstances you’ve lived through this year. 

Amongst the chaos this year, my best friend was busy growing a beautiful baby girl! There are so many positives and gifts that come from 2020. P.S I am in another pretty skirt from BABYLEMONADE. Use the discount code: BIB for 15% off!

Expanding my knowledge…

With my background in psychology, it’s no secret how passionate I am about mental health and holistic health 🙈 I recently spent a few days with leading researchers and experts in the area at “The Happiness and its Causes” Conference.

This event happens every year and is an excellent opportunity for health professionals to share the most recent positive psychology research so we can learn how to apply these findings in our lives, relationships, careers and businesses. 

It was so incredible to be a part of these discussions and build my own knowledge, but what’s knowledge if it’s not shared? If people aren’t sharing the resources and information they have, how can we possibly become collectively happier and healthier?

So that’s what I’m here to do now… 💁‍♀‍

One of the leading causes of death for people my age (which is the same age as many of my followers!) is suicide. It’s obviously not a light and easy conversation to have, but it’s also a necessity with 1 in 4 sometime in our life experiencing depression.

It’s something that’s affecting all of us…🤯

And that’s why it’s essential that we talk about it 💬, share constructive strategies to go through it and even replace these feelings with more joy.  

One of my favourite speakers at the event spoke about how we can find joy on demand. ❤️

And what better opportunity to talk about finding joy 💬 than the start of the jolly season🎄! So here are a few of my golden nuggets:

Tuning into the ‘Happiness and it’s causes’ Virtual Conference in another pretty dress from BABYLEMONADE. Use discount code: BIB for 15% off your Christmas and summer dress shopping👗 it's pretty much all you will see me in this summer 😉

🤶 Joy is a feeling that you feel moment to moment… 

A lot of people speak about happiness, but they’re actually referring to the elated feeling of joy.

Happiness is more of your attitude or overall perspective on life…

Joy is something that you have to find and grasp onto in every moment. The most recent research is showing that you can ease yourself into these feelings, and it’s actually your brain’s default setting, so you have a sustainable source that is infinite and can be unlocked at anytime!

Meditation…

Many people understanding the importance of having a nourishing diet and moving their body, yet few fewer realise how important it is to look after our minds too 🙈  And meditation is one of the best ways we can do this.

Meditation can decrease cortisol levels, helps build resilience, encourages compassion and manages stress... 🧘‍♀‍

This is why we have a whole ‘mindset’ section with meditations, life coaching activities, gratitude, moon tracking, manifestation and journal prompts for our members in our holistic health program The Healthstyle Emporium so they can be empowered to nourish their mind, body and soul from the inside out.

If you are a regular meditator (which I know many of us are ❤️), you’ll notice that when you drown out the noise, you get clear, calm and still. This sense of peace is when joy comes naturally, so it’s a great way to ease yourself into it.

Even just 5 to 10 minutes a day can help… ✌️

Knowing that joy is your default state means you can find joy on any day and at any time too.  

🤶 Take the opportunity to notice joy…

Joy is something that you experience in thin slices of time and space, but we’re spending so much time outside of ourselves that we’re missing the joy, we’re missing the moment.

When we don’t take the opportunity to acknowledge the joy, we don’t have the chance to enjoy the joy – especially given how short the moments of joy can be 😢

When you start noticing the moments, you can train your brain to start picking up on them more often. You have this part of your brain called the Reticular Activating System (RAS for short 🙈) which is basically a built in confirmation bias OR super power ✨ (depends how you look at it and consciously use it 😉).

If you start telling your brain what you want, it starts looking to confirm that bias. Your brain is so good at what it does that it takes short cuts to only look for the things you want it to 👀

The morning is a great time to do this...🌞

If you start your day by reflecting on your goals, highest values, writing in your gratitude journal or reading your personal mission statement, you’re activating your RAS system for the day ahead and setting yourself up to keep noticing those things.

Joy is no different! Start small and appreciate the little things, and your brain will continue to find those feelings. Use the festive season as the perfect excuse to start! 🎄 It might be watching your children laugh, cherishing the embrace of a parent or savouring the first mouthful of your pavlova 🤭

Noticing the thin slice of joy as I enjoyed a Champagne watching the sunset with my husband.

🤶 Be on the end of a kind thought. 

Another interesting topic discussed at the conference was the idea of being “on the end of a kind thought”. This could mean sitting at the end of your meditation and asking yourself “Who do I want to send love to today?”, “Who do you hope is having a beautiful day?”, “Who do you need to send light or strength to today?”.

These questions are proven to uplift your spirits and can completely change your outlook on a day. 

The idea came from a recent study where they were studying employees levels of satisfaction at work. Some loved their job; others couldn’t stand being there 😅 Regardless of how they felt about their role, they found they felt uplifted after setting a timer every hour and using the alarm as a reminder to stop and think a kind thought and send love to someone on his heart.

A man who was previously miserable in his job role, after this experiment reported to have had the best week of his life during the study – even though nothing actually changed in the workplace or his surroundings, he was just consistently on the end of a kind thought! 👏

🤶 FINDING JOY IN THE JOYFUL SEASON

Enjoying the festive season at our Babes in Business Christmas Party - in another pretty dress from BABYLEMONADE. Use discount code: BIB for 15% off your Christmas and summer dress shopping👗 told you it was all you will see me in this summer 😉

🤶Time to relax and enjoy the festive season 🎄

I honestly can’t believe we’re already in December?! It’s crazy, right? I know it’s been an overwhelming and challenging year for everyone between world pandemics, economy crashes, global warming disasters, politics and social movements… but I also think it’s been a necessary year for many of us.

And as we come towards the end of the year, there is no better time to be looking for joy in our lives, reflecting on our lessons and relishing in our blessings.

I’m hoping that you have a merry season with your loved ones and enjoy all the yummy food, drinks (I am looking forward to mum’s mango daiquiris on Christmas Day 🙊) and belly laughs!

Sending so much love from my family to yours and am so excited to see what 2021 has in store for us all.

Morning Rituals: How to take responsibility for your state

Plenty of the women I mentor are curious about how I start my day, and I’m always asked about my morning routine (especially on featured podcasts - it seem’s to be a favourite rapid fire question). To be honest, I didn’t really have a meaningful morning routine when I had a full-time job. I didn’t even really become aware of the importance of starting your day with purposeful rituals until I started my own business. Before then, like many people, I would roll out of bed, get ready for work and go through the same motions every day – without having any real intention about how I wanted the rest of the day to follow. 

Mindset is everything…

My mindset has really evolved over the last four years, and I definitely notice a difference the days I do my morning routine, and the days I don’t. My mornings are by no means perfect. My practices won’t be for everyone, either. But I am hoping that by giving you an insight into my rituals, you’ll be able to create your own (I shared these tips on my IG TV earlier this week if you would love to listen instead of read).

Credit: Lauren Kerr Babes in Business - Standing near Garden

MORNING ROUTINES ARE ABOUT TAKING RESPONSIBILITY… 

It’s incredible how many people can start their day feeling really inspired and excited yet finish their day in a completely different frame of mind.  I’ve noticed that having a morning routine helps me be more responsible rather than reactive. These seemingly small actions can make such a difference when it comes to having control over your intention and your mood. 

It's all about getting started, so here is an insight into my mornings:

No-phones in the bedroom…

Try sleeping with your phone outside of your bedroom. A lot of us are bringing our phone into the bedroom at night, we’re leaving it next to us, and we’re sitting in the scroll hole long after we intended to go to sleep. When our alarms go off in the morning, we’re hitting snooze before going back into the scroll-hole again. 

That is quite possibly the worst way you can start your day! Hopping on your phone first thing in the morning can make you feel really low because you’re already beating yourself up and playing the comparison game without even being conscious about it. When you start your day worried about trying to meet societies unrealistic standards of success and beauty, you’re never going to start your day feeling inspired, abundant or fuelled to make accomplishments with your day.

Turn notifications off… 

Even when we sleep with our phones in another room, the first thing we see when we eventually pick it up is the stream of notifications that came in overnight. You’ll see who liked your photo, who posted on Instagram, the latest work email or even just a string of news updates. 

Stay Focused…

The key to running my online business is that I never turn any of my notifications on – it’s the only way I can stay sane! I might have one hundred messages between Instagram, Facebook, Emails, Telegram and Whatsapp, but I don’t actually know. 

When we turn our notifications off, our phones become a tool that we use, rather than a tool that uses us. It gives us the freedom to set up our day and create our own intentions before other people try and tell us what to do and how to spend our time. This is particularly important first thing in the morning because it will set a good standard for the rest of the day.

Credit: Lauren Kerr Babes in Business - Standing stretching on the beach

Get Moving… 

Movement is such an essential part of my morning. It doesn’t really matter how I move my body, but I think the importance of moving comes down to the release of endorphins which naturally make you feel better. Movement increases your serotonin, decreases your cortisol levels and its often when we feel most inspired, creative and confident. 

Whether it’s a slow walk, yoga, the gym, run or a swim, it’s helpful to find something you enjoy. This part of your day should not be about punishing your body but about celebrating the fact that you can move it.

Start Meditating… 

If you’re new to meditation, this might sounds a bit strange or uncomfortable, but I promise that meditation is probably the number one thing you can do when it comes to your mental health. Our brains are just like our biceps – It’s a muscle that needs to be nurtured and cared for. 

Too many of us aren’t using the muscle; we’re letting the muscle use us. Instead of hating your brain for always comparing you to other people, worrying or for constantly running a million miles an hour, we need to be grateful that it’s doing that. It’s doing it’s job. You don’t get angry at your bicep for helping you carry the groceries up the stairs do you?

Self Talk…

We also need to realise that those thoughts aren’t us. They are just your muscle’s by product. Those thoughts are your brain’s self-talk, who you are is the spirit / soul / heart listening to the self-talk and observing it…and it’s essential to separate the two.

Meditation helps your quieten your mind, which is the first step in separating yourself from the noise going on. Your brain is never going to stop whirling through all those thoughts at once. Meditation is a rare opportunity for you to have a moment to yourself, to drown out the noise, get out of your head and connect with your heart.

It can feel a bit awkward or funny to get started, so I would suggest using an app to get started. The meditations and masterclasses inside our program the Healthstyle Emporium have really helped me. A free app that I also love is ‘Insight Timer’.  It’s a great place to start with 2-minute guided meditations, and you can quite quickly build your way up to 10 minutes or even longer (30 minutes guided mediation is about as long as I can go!)

Credit: Lauren Kerr Babes in Business - Meditating on the beach

Simple steps to help your morning routine

The most successful morning routines are often the ones that build on small but meaningful rituals, just like these. When I make an effort to wake up a little earlier, sleep without my phone, have my notifications switched off and then move my body and meditate, nourish my body with whole foods - the change in my mindset for the rest of the day is truly incredible.

SET INTENTIONS FOR BIGGER GOALS 

After I finish my morning routines, I like to set my intentions. While I’m a big fan of goal setting, I’m also mindful of making sure I’m living in alignment with my goals and highest values every single day.  

You can try our free happiness test, and this is a really great tool to help you work out what your five highest values are. I do this test every year because your values are going to change. You evolve and change as you interact with life, meet new people and have new experiences. 

When I do the test at the start of the year and work out what my values are, I set goals under each of the values. Some of them are big goals to achieve, and some of them are little goals to help maintain my efforts in certain aspects of my life. 

These goals are then printed and stuck on my bathroom mirror. That means that after I finish moving my body, meditating and going through my morning routine, I’ll start getting ready for the day in the bathroom and while I do that, I am literally looking straight at my goals. 

How many people do you know that set goals at the start of the year but then forget about them? Maybe you’re one of those people! Well, it’s pretty hard to forget my goals when I see them every day!

Seeing these goals is a really good way to check in with myself each morning, and ensure I’m making at least one step each day to move closer towards one of those goals. These mini-check ins will also make you feel like you have purpose, direction, progress and momentum. 

Checking in to make sure that I also am living in alignment with my values everyday helps ensure that I happily achieve - instead of feeling the need to achieve to be happy.

START A GRATITUDE JOURNAL 

My journaling takes me about five to ten minutes every morning, and it’s an opportunity for me to write down what I am grateful for. If I don’t do this in the morning, I like to come back to it at night. 

This gratitude journal means that not only am I setting intentions and being responsible for my mood and my state, but I am also really grounding myself and ensuring that I am still in the present. In the 21st Century, we’re all operating at such a high speed that we can miss what’s happening right in front of us. 

When we’re too focussed on the future or the goals we’ve set, we will live in a state of unconscious anxiety and comparison, where we never feel like we’re good enough or where we ‘are supposed’ to be. The only way to manage the two opposing ways of thinking is to ensure we make time to ground in the present too.

When you find the balance, you’ll discover that you actually get more done in less time because you’re in flow and present giving your best, rather than multi-tasking and being scattered feeling like you’re constantly trying to catch up and get where you need to be.

USE MUSIC TO FEEL THE FEELS NOW

If you want to play around with your morning routine, music is another epic option. I go through certain seasons of my life where I'm really focussed on a specific goal, or I find myself in a strategic imbalance because I'm really hustling for something.

If you've read my book, you'll know about neurolinguistic programming and the importance of certain things like vision boards, visualisation, mental rehearsal and music. If you can tap into certain senses, your body actually doesn't know the difference between you thinking you're doing something and you actually doing it. 

A really cool way to be in charge of your state and energy is emotionally connecting with your vision board as part of your morning ritual, or finding a song that emotionally charges you.

There is this one song, and every time it plays, I have this vision of me achieving specific goals, and it leaves me feeling so fired up and passionate and makes those dreams feel so much closer as I can embody all those emotions now - through the music. 

If you can find a song that has an effect on you like that, it will bring about the emotions you want now. This will make you achieve your goals quicker because it's almost like a self-fulfilling prophecy and gets you taking the inspired action that the ‘next level’ version of you would take as you start to tap into that energy and state now.

You'll be just a little bit bolder, you will have the courage to take action you might not have usually taken, and you show up in the world with the same level of conviction, posture and confidence as that next level of you who has everything they need within them to make those dreams a reality. Time just needs to catch up.

This is how manifestation works. Connect and feel those feelings now. Experience the depth of your life, not just the breadth.

Enjoy playing around with your morning routine, if you do try some of these strategies let me know how you go. I love hearing from you guys. Make your mornings sacred. Prioritise them and protect them. Get excited to have 30 juicy minutes to yourself first thing in the morning before everyone else try’s to take them from you.

Send this to a girlfriend that may need a little reminder to put herself first, first!
Chat soon,

Short Term Satisfaction VS Long Term Gratification

Hello beautiful people, 

I hope you’ve had an awesome start to your week! 

After having a chuckle about the realisation that I now own a dog worth more than my shit-box (but loyal) car, I wanted to jump online to talk to you about:

The difference between short-term satisfaction and long-term gratification 

The car I drive around in now is a little Mazda 3 sport that I bought when I got my first job out of university seven years ago.  It’s not that I can’t afford a new one - the income that I create each month means I could buy four of my cars each month - it’s just that I don’t need one because I don’t drive anywhere. I work from home, I live near the beach, and on the weekend, we can get around in my husband’s car. 

This decision not to buy a new car comes from my financial literacy, and passion for educating women about their financial literacy too.

Living beyond our means. 

There are plenty of people that create a lifestyle based on how much money they make. These people feel like when they start earning more money, they need to up their lifestyle to match.

  It might sound like a good idea at the time, yet in reality, all they end up doing is getting caught in a trap where they never actually have financial freedom.

The more money they make the more they consume…the bigger mortgage, the newer car, the more expensive holiday or designer wardrobe just means the money flows out of the bank account almost as quick as it comes in.

One of the things that used to motivate and inspire me when I was first starting my business and knew that I was in charge of my own income was my excitement to be able to buy a little Jeep Wrangler for myself.

I still am excited to make the big purchase one day (although I have been warned it’s a horrible car and not realistic for a future family), but I haven’t yet because I also know that it’s not really a smart decision. It would give me the short-term satisfaction, but not the long-term gratification. 

At first, I would be like:

“This is so awesome!” (AKA I am so awesome *cough cough* look at me and what I bought all by myself)

“I love this” 

“I want the sun on my face, the wind in my hair and to live it up!”

But after a few weeks, those feelings would fade, and whether I bought the car outright or leased it to reduce my taxable income, there are so many other things that would give me a much higher return on my investment.

Have you made a decision like that before? You’re not alone!

We’re in a generation of consumerism, quick fixes, and we want everything now. We often overleverage ourselves or buy our way into incredibly expensive lifestyles that we can’t actually afford. When we chase these short term gratifications, we’re more likely to put things on credit, take out a loan, use afterpay, borrow money or overextend ourselves to buy the things we think we need, rather than saving up until we have enough to buy it with our own savings. 

Going beyond just the price tag, it’s also important to consider if the big purchase is actually going to give you what you’re looking for. Is it going to provide you with joy in the long run? Will you feel satisfied after the purchase, or will your focus turn to the next thing on your wish-list?

If you’ve read my book you’ll know happiness in habitual. The more you have, the more you want. Hence why it’s called the ‘the pursuit of happiness’. Sop make sure you’re not trying to find your happiness in the wrong things.

Seeking short-term gratification goes beyond your bank account.

I think many people, especially women in our age group, have this issue in their relationships. Everyone has that friend (or it could be you!) that keeps jumping from one relationship to the next.

Often, it’s because they’re too tempted by the short-term satisfaction of lust, sex or passion, rather than the intimacy, trust and loyalty that comes with the delayed gratification of overcoming triumphs together, being vulnerable, learning how to forgive, compromise or have those uncomfortable conversations in the first place.

This trait applies to your health too.

I know a lot of people head to the gym or go on a diet for the short-term gratification of wanting to “lose those last few kilos” or “get a bikini body in time for summer”.

What ends up happening is that they find the quick fix or fad, get the results they want, and then three months later the weight is all back on because they didn’t have the drive to ditch the short-term gratification for the long-term satisfaction of learning how to have ongoing healthy habits.

The result? Well, that yo-yo lifestyle could lead to plenty of long-term health issues! 

Searching for short-term rewards even comes into your diet. After a shitty day at work, many of us head straight to the pantry to treat ourselves to whatever we can get our hands-on. When I used to work in child protection services, my go-to reward after a long, stressful and exhausting day was to stop on the way home and buy myself an entire tub of cookie dough – I’d finish it before I even got home too! It gave me the short-term gratification of treating myself, but it didn’t do me any favours in the long run.

Getting down to business. 

I am so passionate about teaching women this theory and helping them apply it to their business or professional life. I mentor thousands of women in our Babes in Business community, and it plays a massive role in our network marketing structure because we learn to stop trading time for money. 

Yes, we still get the short term satisfaction of the ‘now’ money with retail profit, commissions and bonuses…but we also get to start creating long-term wealth strategies with multiple income streams when we are able to delay that gratification and have a long term vision and build a business that compounds over years and continues you pay you long term well after the ‘work’ you once did.

It’s a strange concept for anyone living in the Western world, as it’s the way we’re groomed to think from a very young age. When you join a network marketing company, you learn to ditch the mindset of doing something today because you’re going to be rewarded for it today. We discover that having the long-term vision and delayed gratification is so much more rewarding and beneficial in the bigger picture. 

Through Babes In Business, we talk a lot about having residual income streams. Having a residual income stream allows you to have the freedom and flexibility that I’ve created for myself in the four years since I started my business so I am no longer trading my time for money…but it took time and delayed gratification to be able to build that.

However a lot of women my age, especially the younger girls on social media just don’t know about the behind-the-scenes of someone else’s life or business, and they only see the rewards and highlights reels online - hence why they don’t see the power in delayed gratification or persistence when they can just have the comfort of instant satisfaction instead.

We’re not having the conversations or providing the education to understand the hard work that went into getting to that point. We don’t acknowledge the transition from the starting point when someone was putting in the effort and not necessarily getting the results, to where they are now. 

The delayed gratification of committing to still showing up, being consistent and doing the work even if you can’t see the results today because you know something better is coming and worth while long-term.

Improving Financial Literacy.

Improving financial literacy is the key to breaking down this disconnect. There are so many different ways to earn an income. You can have a job, and still create a long-term wealth creation strategy on the side. There are some avenues that take time and capital, like investing in property or buying stocks and shares, and there are other choices, like network marketing that let you earn the income by doing the work or like I like to call ‘sweat’ equity or investment. 

When I started out, I had time on my side, but I didn’t have the money in my pocket. By ditching the desire for short-term gratification and focusing on my long-term vision, I got to where I am today. The result is a lifestyle of fulfilling relationships, happiness, flexibility, health and wealth.

The research. 

With my background in psychology, I’m always keen to back things up research, statistics and facts. In fact, there is an entire chapter in my book dedicated to breaking down the researching into long-term gratification. This chapter talks about a study called the Marshmallow Study, which has been replicated time and time again - you might have even seen it in the Instagram ‘marshmallow challenge’ that Kylie Jenner recently did with her daughter. 

Basically, the longitudinal studies shows that the kids with the ability to wait for the long-term gratification (the ones that can wait for two marshmallows, rather than eating one straight away) end up being more successful later in life. They often have better relationships, improved university marks, higher income, lower likelihood of being in domestic violent relationships, substance misuse and enjoy an improved mental health. 

It is crazy how powerful this is! And you can bring it into your life too. 

Start by looking at your own life and questioning where you are seeking short-term gratification, rather than focussing on the bigger picture?  Once you acknowledge the behaviours, it’s much easier to address them or make changes. 

If this is new to you (especially in regards to your money and wealth creation) we’ve created a new side hustle guide – which you can find here. It’s a free guide to educate you on all the ways you can earn an income.

There are so many different choices and vehicles, and this guide will empower you to find the right one for your lifestyle, goals and vision. Also, a great book if you want to be empowered and educated to make better decisions around money so you aren't tempted by 'short term satisfaction' is the 'millionaire next door' by Thomas J. Stanley.

Think small steps, commit to just taking one step at a time, but focus on the big picture and keep your eyes on that long term prize gf!

Chat soon,

Don't Complicate It

Time to make things simple

I hope 2017 is treating you well! You may of seen over Christmas, photos of my travels around Mexico, Colombia and Cuba! I have definitely started the new year feeling refreshed and enlightened, it was an awakening becoming so aware of how fast paced and complex our lives are in comparison to the time warped Cuba!

When did we get in such a hurry?

In the western world we make things so complex - but in terms of our health and happiness it really is quite simple; we need to get right back to the basics, we need to stop complicating things.

It's sad but nearly everyone I know and the clients I work with, are overwhelmed, overworked, overfed yet undernourished.

We are bombarded with so many options and so much information, we throw our hands up in the air and give up.

Let me simplify it for you

If you're feeling grumpy, unfulfilled, lethargic, stagnant, in a slump... do at least one, if not all of the following things:

1. Put love back into your food. Eat more Wholefoods! Eat more food that has been touched by the sun as it contains natural energy. Eat to fuel your body not to flaw it.

2. Drink more water.

3. Move your body every day. Include conscious movement into your lifestyle, do things you enjoy, run, walk, swim, dance, kick the footy, ride .

4. Love and invest in your relationships. Put in as often as you takeaway and get rid of the relationships that don't make you feel good.

5. Reflect. Just like Alcohol addiction - ask what role is technology having in your life? Use it as a tool don't let it use you.

6. Practise Gratitude. Be thankful for your running clean water, warm showers, our health care system, a roof over your head. When you come from a place of abundance, you attract abundance.

It's rocket science right? ;)

Have a beautiful, simplified day lovers

Healthy Peach: How I have cleared my skin after 15 years

How i Cleared My Skin

So my friends and family can vouch for this - I have personally struggled with my skin on and off for the last 6 years – I think that comes hand in hand being a young woman being fed different information and receiving different health recommendations from varying skin and health professionals…

After years of money spent and trying different products and prescriptions - if you could see me now you would not think I have had such a struggle.

My skin is flawless and because I was so embarrassed by my face I never took photos to be able to prove or share my story or progress. But my business partner and friend Chani Healthy Peach has – she has even written a blog to share our secret on how we have beat acne. Find her featured blog below.

Teenage Years

Its funny. When I look back on my teenage years in high school, I honestly thought that my skin issues would eventually subside one day. I never thought that at the age of 27 years old, I would still be dealing with the battle of acne and the snowball of emotions, thoughts and feelings that came along with it.

I know that talking about this publicly is going to reach so many young women, even men, in the same position that I was in about a year ago. A year ago, I had acne all over my face. It was heart wrenching - how vain does that sound?! But it was.

It was so bad that I would run late for appointments and meetings because I would underestimate the time It would take me to cover it up with makeup… I could literally spend hours trying to cover it up - which only made it worse. I would call in sick to my job or cancel plans with girlfriends because I didn't want to be seen in public.

Many of you know I work in an operating theatre at times as an anaesthetic nurse… Well, there were days there were I would literally grab myself a mask that was only meant to be worn in sterile conditions and walk around for my entire shift with one on so I could cover my face up.

I spent hundreds of dollars worth on treatments to try and combat what was happening on my face - microdermabrasion, skin acid peels, laser… you name it (thank goodness my mother is a skin specialist - she really did help me control my skin and helped me in so many other ways… emotionally and mentally… more than she’ll ever know).

A client of mine who recently went through a similar thing with her skin explained it perfectly. She said her acne was worse than feeling overweight. She said "It’s on your face, people talk to you and look straight at your face and it's something that you just can't hide. You see people’s eyes zig zag from left to right, subconsciously or maybe consciously judging your face and you cant help but wonder how it looks at that very moment in time. Are they looking at my face? Does it look bad? Has my makeup worn off?”.

She was so right, those of you in the same boat would know that your confidence reaches an all time low. You go through waves of emotions of having a ‘good day’ followed by a ‘bad week’ where your skin just does its own thing and is so unpredictable. In a day and age where you feel as though looks sadly matter - it's every girl's nightmare.

Well Today

I am acne free. Actually I’m 100% pimple free! And I'm going to share with you what I did to combat 15 years of acne issues. YES 15 years! ZOMG. Thanks goodness it's over.

It started in my early teens for me, I was 13 years old, I guess my hormones kicked in and it snowballed from there. I didn't have the best diet back then believe it or not (fizzy sugary drinks, lollies, chocolate, not so healthy lunch boxes because I was a fussy child & hated fruit), plus I was dealing with stress from trying to be an academic at school, plus other stressors of being a young teenager… boys, fitting in, sports, acceptance. It was certainly a collection of things that contributed when I look back now.

How I wish I could teleport to my high school self and just give myself a big hug now…

Today when someone asks me for advice on skin, the first thing I say is (and gosh I wish I knew all this all those years ago), what’s happening on your skin is indicative to what’s going on inside your body. It’s an inflammatory response.

Our bodies have this amazing power and beautiful capability of sending us messages about what's going on inside, but sadly this isn't taught to us in school or at any point in our lives actually.

LISTENING & UNDERSTANDING YOUR BODY

We’re not taught to read messages and become intuitive with our bodies and treat the underlining issue, we’re taught to go to a doctor for a prescription, go to a chemist, purchase a ridiculous amount in dollars worth of pharmaceuticals and mask symptoms with bandaid fixtures instead.

I spent 18 months on roaccutane at the age of 17 years old. One of the most potent pharmaceuticals known in the medical industry. So toxic that if a woman falls pregnant on this drug she is forced to terminate her pregnancy.

So strong and harmful on our bodies that our lips crack and bleed, your eyes stop producing natural lubrication so eye drops 3-6 times a day are a regular routine thing, your skin totally stops producing natural oils so your flakey, dry and you don't heal as quickly if you cut or burn yourself.

Your gums bleed, your nails don't grow, your hair looks as dry as a hay stack from a farm barn and your joints and muscles take such a hit that any form of exercise or movement, even yoga, is a no deal.

And guess what, 18 months went by, my skin was clear for 6 months, and then I found myself at square one. If I knew the things I know now about roaccutane, I wouldn't have ever gone anywhere near it not even with a 10 foot pole. Especially now knowing I was able to heal myself so simply and naturally.

Fast forward to 2015 and I'm 27 years old, still combatting acne. Not so bad - but it's still lingering around at this point in my life. You can check out my photos above. The before photos were taken last year in June, 2015. At this time in my life I had spent 7 years studying subjects pertaining to health.

Exercise science, nursing, nutrition & health coaching. So my lifestyle and habits changed and my skin improved, but not 100%. I was lucky enough that my mum was a specialist in the cosmetic & skin industry and was able to help me out with treatments for my skin to keep it under some type of control.

If you check out my blog archive, you’ll see I went to The Democratic Republic of Congo (The D.R.C) last year in August 2015 to work in a small hospital theatre in the town of Goma for just over a month.

Before I left for Congo a good friend of mine, Dr. Anthony Golle (you may know him from the amazing documentary Overfed & Undernourished) introduced me to something that was absolutely life changing. Not only for my skin, but for so many other aspects of my health that I'm about to share with you that I honestly won't ever have anything to repay him back with.

He introduced me to the ONLY product in the world that is organic, natural and 100% whole food put into a vegan capsule. Yep. How crazy is that. No added anything, no sugar, no preservatives, no additives.

JUST fruit, vegetables and berries…

There's nothing in the ingredient list except for actual food and it even has a nutritional label... something you don't see very often on the back of the bottle of any capsule.

When I was introduced to this product I was actually sold on the fact that the product contained 27 different serves of organic fruit, vegetables and berries in the capsules. They're picked at their most ripest state, made into a big old smoothie, dehydrated at a low heat so the enzymes are still active and THEN encapsulated into a vegan capsule.

I was about to hit one of the most poorest third world countries in the world where vegetables and fruit, and any type of nutritious food for that matter, was totally non existent so taking this product over with me was a total no brainer. Um hellooo, 27 different serves of real food in one hit.

YES PLEASE SIGN ME UP…

Not to mention it has over 20 published medical and scientific research journals and 10+ more currently underway. I’m a girl who does her research, and they had me at hello.

So you're probably wondering what fruits, berries & veggies have to do with skin, right? What began to happen to me when I implemented all this high quality nutrition into my daily diet - I don’t even know how I can put this in words to make you understand but I’ll try.

I travelled to Goma with a team of 10 surgeons, anaesthetists, nurses, physiotherapist’s and administrative staff. We all worked a ridiculous amount of hours in extremely tough conditions with a poor diet of just bread, rice and potato for the whole month, and for some reason - I was the only one who didn't get sick.

I was the only one who didn't suffer from some type of gastro bug, cold or flu symptoms, bloating, digestive issues, sickness or lethargy. In fact my energy was at an all time high the entire time (not like my colleagues who needed naps and sick days off in between), my immune system was pumping and to be honest I only noticed on the plane home when I realised how unwell the others felt, and how unreal I felt.

When I stepped off the plane to meet my family, the first thing everyone noticed was MY SKIN! Not a single blemish in sight. And I had just spent a whole month in a third world country, in a high stress environment, with no nutrition & hardly any sleep or exercise.

Today, we implement this product in our online program The Healthstyle Emporium. Why? Because we NEED to tell everyone and anyone about this shift in health we all need to start jumping on.

It's amazing what a bunch of veggies, fruit and berries in your daily diet will do to you - energy increase, sleep quality increase, cravings decrease, skin, hair and nail health multiplies by 100 fold, weight loss is a dream, memory and concentration goes through the roof ... the list positive effects goes on & on.

THE HSE…

The Healthstyle Emporium was created to make people realise we REALLY don't need to do anything to crazy to change our health other than flood our bodies with the delicious nutrients, enzymes, vitamins and essential micronutrients that our ancestors grew up on & that our bodies so deliciously thrive off.

The second thing we need to do is simply implement some healthy lifestyle habits and look at our health holistically, I call it going back to basics, pretty much The Healthstyle Emporium in a nutshell.

The 5500+ women who are apart of The Emporium so far can tell you right now the amazing list of results they’ve received since starting. Improved skin, increased energy, decreased cravings, stronger hair, nails and skin, weight loss, decreased digestive issues, better mentality plus so much more.

THE TESTIMONIALS

All you have to do is check out our testimonials page to read real talk from real people and see for yourself. Man, I was even able to quit my 6 shots a day coffee addiction because of these magic little encapsulated babies.

Why? Because our bodies thrive of nutrition and anything is possible when you're body is adequately nourished. And this is what you're doing when you eat 27 serves of WHOLE-FOOD daily. I haven’t had a coffee since July 2015... and I was a total ADDICT.

After 15 long years of trial and error, I honestly wish I was given this little secret a long long time ago. Now I can give you that secret - It’s here, and it's only a click of a button away.

Whether you’re wanting to:

• Clear your skin,

• Lose weight,

• Improve your lifestyle, health & happiness,

• Learn how to make delicious, easy and healthy meals,

• Introduce yoga, meditation & relaxation into your life,

• Decrease stress,

• Learn all there is to know about nutrition & exercise,

• Be kept accountable,

• Improve the appearance of your skin, hair & nails,

• Treat uncomfortable digestive issues,

• Have a support group where you know you're not alone,

• Or you just want to improve your general overall well being, feeling & motivation...

Then I know we can help you within The Emporium, having you partake in all our resources, monthly educational webinars, one on one coaching, having access to our amazing team of health professionals, diving in deep on our meal, exercise, yoga, and meditation guides, having access to all my ebooks for free + taking your capsules daily! 

The best part about it… your kids get to be apart of the emporium and take the product FOR FREE.

Increasing the value of life for our little humans in our lives … energy, behaviour, implementing whole foods in their life daily like this!? Man, I wish I was given this all those years ago, but you know what - I’m so glad I have it now.

If you feel like this blog resonated with you, I would so love to hear from you & I would so love to help you. I personally respond to every single email that comes through my inbox so if you feel the universe tugging at you to hit that contact me button below. Please do. I’m here waiting & I can't wait to meet you.

contact me

New Form

Food for thought - Starve the Ego, Feed the Soul

It is the season to be Jolly

So it is getting to that time of the year, work parties, Christmas parties, New Year getaways, it is the season to be jolly! Every weekend seems to be filled with reasons to celebrate with yummy food, great drinks and even better company (and with good reason we should be celebrating - we made it, another year of health, happiness and lessons). Me personally, I am a sucker for a cheese platter and a Tia Maria with Coke! But…it hasn’t always been like that.

Is it worth the calories?

The old me (well in one of my phases of learning) the thought of having to test myself and my diet would cause me anxiety. I would very carefully way up if I had the will power to attend these events and not indulge or if it would be easier for me just to miss it altogether. I would count calories, I would punish myself with an extra long run. I would tell myself I didn't deserve dinner that night. Tragic I know, but I am confident when I say, I know I am not alone.

Maybe its Maybelline, or maybe it is a filter?

Being a girl in general, historically in the western culture we have been valued for our cosmetic make up. I know! I know! We have come a long way - women and men have both fought for women’s rights, now being more widely accepted and valued for our minds, our nature and our being.

However this is even complicated again by the massive presence of social media. I have read a lot of arguments from both sides advocating for and against the pressure of social media on women’s self-esteems, and they both have very good points - social media can manipulate and taunt your ego but only if you allow it.

We all know better, on our best days...

It takes a strong willed, confident, wise and content woman to consciously resist the influence and temptation to compare themself to the photo shopped and filtered images of the ideal woman which seem to be plastered everywhere these days; TV, movies, magazine, Facebook, instagram, billboards etc.

But who are these confident invincible women? Sure, we are all her on our best days, we know and acknowledge that photo was probably her 50th attempt of sucking in, pocking her ass out and playing with the filter effects.

But, we all have days where we feel inadequate, where we feel we fall short and we buy into the comparison game (even that girl you are comparing yourself to) - and that is OK, it has a lot to do with the evolution of our psyche (which is explained in an earlier blog ‘it’s OK to not be OK’).

I have been there...

Not only am I a girl in the 21st century who has Instagram and Facebook to turn to for regular reminders of all the amazingly beautiful women out there, I am also a dancer, who out of all places - lives on the Gold Coast. I have been in the industry where I have been told I was too big.

I have been told before if I wanted to be given any more work - I would need to loose weight. I have been surrounded by the culture of girls experimenting with laxatives, prescription drugs such as duromine, and discussions of the easiest ways to bring your food back up.

Surrounded by the lifestyle of weighing food portions and strict routines of eat, gym, sleep, repeat. I am a big advocate for a healthy lifestyle - but not when it consumes you.

It is a poisonous mindset I felt the more I focused on weight, the harder it was to loose it (in hindsight I wish I knew about the effect women's hormones and contraception can have on weight - punishing myself for something that was outside of my control did not help). I hated the gym but did it because I thought that is what I needed to do.

I ate a bland boring diet. I would get jealous of girls eating whatever they wanted because I knew I couldn’t do that without experiencing a heavy weight of guilt. I deliberately committed to three jobs as well as uni so it wasn’t even possible for me to attend these social events and be tempted by unhealthy choices. It was a poisonous mindset that dominated every second of every day and dictated every decision I made.

I was lucky, I realised early and chose to make changes that I deserved...

I was lucky, this mindset didn’t stick around for long. The fact that I could recall a time of my life that I didn’t think like that was enough motivation for me to make some changes. Part of me felt that my thinking habits were instinctual - normal - like every girl thought like that, but slowly I came to the realisation I was very wrong - there is so much more to life than continuously monitoring my intake and experiencing waves of guilt.

Food is your friend Now, I am not opening myself up for fire; I understand these symptoms I described earlier probably was the early onset of an eating disorder, and those who do suffer such unfortunate diseases can’t be magically cured by reading this blog, they need the long term support of a mental health practitioner.

I am not naive and I also understand this is not an issue that affects solely women. I acknowledge I am no diet or nutrition expert - however I do know about psychology, challenging and changing perspective in order to experience gratitude and mindfulness - a healthy relationship with food and exercise.

Food should be your friend! Eating something yummy literally makes you happy by releasing endorphins. Our culture like so many others, is built around sharing food, drinks and laughter with friends and family. We need food to fuel our body – it’s imperial that you are able to build a healthy relationship with food not only for you happiness, but your survival!

7 Tips on building a healthy relationship with food and exercise.

1. Eat to fuel your mind, body and soul.

Firstly, a conscious effort to incorporate healthy nutritional meals in your diet and limit junk food is great. However how many of you have started diets? Finished diets? Then gone back to your previous way of eating? I am guessing most of you.

This can be fixed by changing your mindset. Don’t limit yourself to a “diet”, don’t deny yourselves food that literally makes you happy! Skip the diet, just eat healthy! Eat cookie dough when your heart wants it, and kale salad when you’re body needs it. A balanced healthy diet – everything in moderation. Trust me, your mind, body and soul will thank you.

2. Be mindful.

When you are eating, make sure you enjoy each mouthful, savor the taste. Sure when you are having your favourite ice cream, you go right ahead and demolish it! You Go Glen Coco You Go! We aren’t superheroes, everyone has their kryptonite. But, try to get in a habit of  paying attention to your body.

Sit down at a table to eat, rather than eating on the go or while watching TV. Be aware of how your body is feeling, are you full? Have a glass of water, leave it for 10 minutes and give your brain time for your body’s messages to register before you go for seconds (those left overs could be your free lunch tomorrow). Let your body guide you.

3. Be grateful for what you have before you loose it.

Like the relationship you had with your parents before they past away, or a past friendship or lover lost - don’t wait until it’s too late before you realise what you have. Do you recall a time where you had even a cold or flu and you told yourself you would do anything to be healthy again? Well use that same mindset with your body. You only have one, take care of it.

Don’t exercise to loose weight, don’t exercise to get that bikini body, exercise to clear your head, exercise to release endorphins, exercise to prevent cardiovascular disease, exercise to prevent diabetes, exercise to delay the onset of alzheimer’s. Exercise is not punishment - it is a gift. There is someone somewhere who lives their life in a wheel chair and would give anything to go for a run - don’t take your ability for granted.

4. If you don’t like it, don’t do it!

There is no use forcing yourself to go for a run if you hate every minute of it. Likewise there is no point in dragging yourself to the gym if you don’t enjoy yourself! It is so much easier to lead a healthy and active lifestyle when you are honest to yourself and play to your strengths. What do you like? You hate exercise and find it easier to feed your competitive side - get involved in a team sport.

You enjoy the energy and support of a gym - go and pump some weights. You enjoy the peace and solitude that comes with a morning walk - well put your runners on and enjoy ‘your time’. Remember why you are doing it. No-one is forcing you to exercise - you are doing it because some part of it aligns with your values. You are doing this because you want to, you are doing this for you!

 5. Be kind to yourself, you are human.

As I spoke earlier in regards to the mindset of ‘diets’. You are setting yourself up to be punished. You are setting some distinct rules on what you can and can’t do, and no-one likes being told what to do! Rules are made to be broken, and as humans it is in our nature to do exactly that – otherwise there wouldn’t be prisons, divorce, school detentions or time out in the naughty corner!

So after you have demolished that whole tub of cookie-dough ice-cream, don’t beat yourself up and send your self off on a guilt trip (I am sure the belly ache will be punishment enough in itself)…instead, acknowledge ‘that was naughty…oh but so worth it’ and maybe wait until the next weekend before you go do it again, that way it still has the novelty of being a treat.

 6. Pick your friends wisely.

Choose your friendship, leisure, sporting and work groups carefully. You have control over what circle you choose to stay in, so make sure you are choosing contexts that support and encourage you to be the best version of you. I am not sure if it is just a stereotype on the Gold Coast, or if it is the impression the rest of Australia also has on the people that live here, but I often hear “The Gold Coast is so pretentious - people here are so fake”.

Yes, l admit I understand how some people may have that perception, but that is a result of the environment they are in and the people they are choosing to mingle with. I love dancing, but due to the context that surrounded me for a while I lost my passion for it. I consciously decided to leave that environment, as I very well knew you become a product of your environment, and the values that were surrounding me no longer reflected ones I stood for.

Yes the Gold Coast has the best nightlife, but it also has the most beautiful beaches and rainforests. If you don’t want to spend every weekend following your friend’s unhealthy drinking habits, look for friends in different circles, put on your runners and go for a hike, go stand up paddle boarding. Fill your friendship circles with healthy influences, people who pick you up, motivate you, remind you of your worth and support your mind, body and soul.

7. Lead by example.

Women, we are our biggest critics. It is very rare that you hear a man putting a woman down for her weight, eating or exercise habits. We are the ones (majority of the time) making a snide remark “have you seen her in real life? She is fat”, “she’s skinny fat, she’s not toned”, “she would have the perfect body if she had an ass”…etc…the list goes on. Have you heard the quote “girls compete with each other, women empower one another?”.

Once again I don’t agree with insulting a woman’s maturity, but it is true to a certain extent. With experience, wisdom and self-love women do realise competing with some one is just playing to your insecurities. You are beautiful. Every woman is beautiful, and this is because our bodies look different, our minds think different and our souls yearn for different things.

So to help other women, and to do your part in changing women’s mindsets, every once in a while upload a photo of yourself or you girlfriends without a filter or any edits. Lead by example, show other women it is OK to be you, the real authentic you (freckles, stretchmark’s and all)!

When you hear another woman critiquing/commenting on another’s body, I don’t advise you attack her or even instigate a heated debate, what about just commenting on something you love about her rather than joining in on the slamming. Demonstrate to other women what supporting women looks like, so they can learn to do the same.

Lead by example, hopefully with enough leaders leading the self-love movement and consciously resisting the urge to feed the ego and instead choosing to feed their mind, body and soul, others will be encouraged and taught to do the same.