Social Media Comparison is the Thief of All Joy
Hello there!
What a crazy few months?! There is a lot of shit going on in the world at the moment. In Australia, we’ve had floods, fires, Coronavirus, an economic crash, the Black Lives Matter Movement, and we’re not even halfway through the year yet. I’m not dismissing any of this because I think it’s so important that we discuss these issues, but I also want to create a space for compassion and happiness.
As you guys know, I’m a life and mindset coach. My background is in psychology, and something I’m really passionate about is helping overwhelmed and unfulfilled women find their personalised formula for success. Whether that’s in life, relationships or career, there is one key way to make sure we can reach our goals happily and healthily…
The answer?
Learning that comparison is the thief of all joy.
Guilt.
Plenty of women I meet feel guilty for not feeling happy or feeling that the more they chase happiness, the further away it seems to get. That's why it's called 'The Pursuit of Happiness' after all!
I think this happens because so many women in the Western world do what they believe they are supposed to do or what they think society expects them to do. It might be to go to university, get a job, settle down, have a career, have 1.5 kids, get a mortgage or to own a house with a white picket fence, but these expectations are literally everywhere we turn.
However, it's often the women that follow society's expectations to a tee that have the highest rates of depression and anxiety. That's because when we're so busy working to meet the expectations, we start comparing ourselves to others to track our progress. We're usually pretty quick to compare ourselves to our family, our circle of friends and other people on social media.
Comparison on Social Media.
We're all guilty of comparison on social media, but what we often forget when we're scrolling on Instagram is that we're comparing our behind the scenes with someone else's highlight reel. Unconsciously or consciously, we take on other people's values. We see women going on holidays, getting Botox, buying a new car or going to an expensive restaurant, and we think we need to see, believe or achieve these things to experience happiness ourselves.
This game of comparison doesn't help you achieve your goals at all. Instead, its actually a thief of your joy. Instead of understanding that we each have our own personalised formula for success, happiness and fulfilment, we blindly look at what other people are doing. That's where we get stuck in the mundane rat race of feeling like we're doing the same thing over and over again, without making any progress. But that's not how you live your best life, that's actually how you hold yourself back from living your best life.
Living YOUR life.
I read a really beautiful book recently ‘The Top 5 regrets of the dying’ by Bronnie Ware, about her experience of working in palliative care. During her time working with people as they approached their final days, she found that a lot of these people were saying the same things, and the number one regret was "I wish I had the courage to live a life true to myself and not one that others expected of me."
It's a lovely idea, but I don't think we need to be on our death bed to realise this. Most of you in my community are in your 20s, so why wait until it’s too late to start living your best life. While you're still young, I really encourage you to stop and ask yourself if you're living a life true to yourself? If you know what your values are? If you're pursuing that in your career, your life and your relationships? OR are you taking on other people's values, expectations and standards? If that's what you're doing, you need to realise that you're robbing yourself of happiness and health.
Lauren Kerr
Reversing the comparison game.
The first step to living YOUR life is to catch yourself when you're feeling unworthy or when you start comparing yourself to others. You might notice it when scrolling on Instagram, and you start asking yourself why you're not as successful, as happy, as fit or as popular as the person on your screen.
When you notice these feelings, you need to pause…
Then imagine you are that person…
A lot of the time, the people we are comparing ourselves to are actually doing things that wouldn't bring us joy. I know often I look at people that are out socialising a lot and start questioning why I am always at home or asking myself why I don't go out enough.
But when I think about it, I realise that if I were in that person's shoes, I wouldn't enjoy it because I'm much more of an introvert. I don't really like socialising or networking with people I don't know, I much prefer my own space. When I check-in and think about if that would actually make me happy, I'm much less likely to feel those feelings of comparison and unworthiness.
Accept your feelings too.
It's also important to remember that feelings serve a purpose. If you're feeling envious, maybe it's a sign that you're not honouring your personalised formula for success or that you've neglected something in your life that used to bring you joy.
Check-in with your feelings when they come up and think about whether you need to pivot your behaviour or if you're just comparing for the sake of robbing your own joy.
Say yes to talking.
If this is all pretty new for you, I know it's a lot to start with, but I promise it gets easier! It's totally okay if you don't know how to talk about what makes you happy and brings you joy, but it's never too late to learn! You can check out my free happiness test here that will help you work out what makes you happy so that you can incorporate those things into your life, job, relationships and business. It'll also help you set goals that align with your values.
I also did a happiness masterclass for the beautiful clients in my holistic health program, but it was so successful that I've decided to share it with you too. You can get your free recording and ticket sent to you by clicking here.
In a time where there is a lot of chaos, judgement and opinion in the world, remember to light up yourself so that you can bring joy to others.
