There is no such thing as an un-resourceful person, only an un-resourceful mind.
Working in Child Protection
I definitely have struggles with my world view, my expectations of myself and others, and my understanding of humanity. Each day (as most people do) I learn from experience and self-reflection. There are big discrepancies between what I know, what I have personally experienced and what I see and hear.
A lot of people have the perception to be a Life Coach you have to have gone through something pretty traumatic to be able to motivate others on how to overcome triumph and achieve success.
Sorry no sob story here.
I am not going to lie to you. That’s one of my strengths as a Life Coach and as a Child Safety Officer – I am transparent. I come from a pretty normal upbringing – however I can vouch that all my successes I have achieved on my own, nothing was handed to me, I do know the value of hard work and independence…well at least that is what I used to say to myself.
I have done a lot, seen a lot and know a lot for my age. I used to take pride in the fact I did it on my own. However since working in Child Protection I have come to realise something different.
My Story.
My Mum and Dad never gave me a cent. I got a job at 13 (with a letter of consent from my parents that I could work under the legal age of 14 and 9 months). I bought my first car by myself, studied hard and sat my HSC.
I was the first person in my family to be accepted into university let alone even apply. I gained a scholarship for university. I moved 14 hours away from everyone and everything I had ever known at 18. I worked 4 jobs. I wasn’t eligible for centrelink so I paid my own bills.
I studied hard, gaining myself another scholarship, which enabled me to study overseas and travel. I finished my degree and got into Honours, which lead me to a Graduate position working in QLD Government Child Protection.
What I have learnt from working in child protection.
As I tried to shorten my life story earlier in attempt to explain, I am not a stranger to hard work. But working with families in Child Protection – I have come to realise I didn’t do it by myself. Yes, I looked those scary dreams in the eye and went in for battle, however I was never alone.
I have always had the support of a loving mum, dad and two younger brothers. A nuclear family in itself is a gift – so many today come from broken families and homes. From a young age I was encouraged I could be who ever I wanted to be, I could go wherever I wanted to go, I could achieve whatever I could dream (to their dismay I don’t think they anticipated I would have been chasing those dreams so fast).
In this world there are a lot of things that are out of our control, but our actions aren’t one of them.
Don’t get me wrong, my childhood wasn’t sheltered, but I definitely survived unscathed. Like all kids I battled the schoolyard daemons, having buckteeth in primary school didn’t make it easy to avoid the bullies.
But I think it’s from those experiences I learnt young that people’s actions and words weren’t a reflection of who I was. It didn’t make a difference how pure my intentions were or how nice I was – they were going to act like that regardless. I had no control over it – it was a reflection of their reality – all I could do was have control over my actions. This is a lesson I still try to teach in my practice today;
““People are often unreasonable and self-centered. Forgive them anyway. If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. Be kind anyway. If you are honest, people may cheat you. Be honest anyway. If you find happiness, people may be jealous. Be happy anyway. The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway. Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough. Give your best anyway.””
Despite being fearful of catching the school bus with these bullies – I chose to put my head down at school and after 3pm I would invest myself in a different area and a different group of friends.
This lead me to true friendships and what became my outlet for years – dancing. From here I kept building on my perspective of the world, becoming more accepting, positive and at peace with my place in it.
I had the self-confidence instilled from family. I had a sense of autonomy and mastery having had been given the space and opportunities by my parents to grow and test myself – I knew my self-worth because I had never been treated badly by a loved one (let me note I wasn’t dating yet, those heartbreaks were yet to come!).
You are not your past.
I am not saying, that you need to come from a loving childhood to achieve success. I am not saying for your future to be bright you can’t have scars from the past and I definitely do not believe your past defines you, otherwise I would not be working in the area I am.
I am saying – understanding the effect of having a loving child hood or having support or the lack of, from family can assist in comprehending why some are having trouble achieving the same goals as others later in life, or living to different social standards or holding different values.
For one a goal may be to expand on their investment portfolio, to another it might just be to be able to look in the mirror and not hate the person they see, it might be to last a whole week sober, to be able to understand why they self- sabotage every relationship they enter, or to understand why their parents struggle to show them love.
Behaviours are reflections of beliefs.
A lot of people’s pasts and upbringings affect the thoughts, beliefs and values they have. The unhelpful ones in particular – self-limiting beliefs - are the ones that cause the most disruptive behaviours and resistance.
But the good news is, that’s all they are; beliefs. They are not your reality. They can be challenged and changed. For outsiders, you need to understand behaviours are reflections of people’s beliefs.
If someone is not respecting their bodies, their health or is allowing others to treat them badly –they need someone to remind them of their self-worth, encourage them to believe in themselves.
People are not their behaviours.
Accept people. Assist them in changing their beliefs in order to change their behaviour. I get asked a lot how I work in child protection and that is my secret; I whole-heartedly accept every one of my clients. I don’t judge them, I hear their story.
I get told I am naïve. Even in the area of work I am in, I see the best in people. I strongly believe that there is no such thing as an un-resourceful person, just an un-resourceful mind. People do the best they can, with the knowledge and resources they have available at that given time.
You can’t expect a bird, who has been caged for it’s whole life – to one day when the gate is left open to fly free and survive. But I assure you, slowly with support and encouragement it might.
We all need a little support and a little understanding.
