My Biggest Lesson

Recap on the biggest lesson I have ever learnt

If you missed my live this week on my Facebook...

I spoke about my biggest lesson that I have ever learnt - one that  my beautiful mum taught me when I was very young and it continues to come up time and time again, ensuring that I don't forget it.

Don't place your expectations on others

This is something that once learnt you can apply to friendships, relationships, colleagues at work and our wider society.

Tune in to understand why you should and CAN fearlessly live and love with your heart on your sleeve, be the best version of you, live your life accordance to your values and up to your own expectations.

“People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you. Be honest and sincere anyway.
What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous. Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, will often be forgotten. Do good anyway.
Give the best you have, and it will never be enough. Give your best anyway.”

— Mother Teresa

How I took control of my weight, skin and happiness AND MAINTAINED IT!

21 Days of Meditation to Raise Awareness for Mental Health

AND IT'S UP! Click below on the link to support us on our challenge in the Healthstyle Emporium this month to be happier and healthier with our 21 days of meditation in to raise awareness for mental health and the services Headspace can provide with our 21daysofHSEbliss.

https://give.everydayhero.com/au/the-healthstyle-emporium

I have been talking to so many women lately who are struggling with self-esteem and self talk because of being unhappy with their skin and weight...I had my own personal story and I know it doesn't seem like a big deal until you suffer it yourself so I wanted to share my tips and tricks (and some facts regarding psychology and research) on how you can finally take control of your weight, skin and happiness - and MAINTAIN it!

I speak about the effects stress has on the body and why it is so important to come from a place of love and not fear, which is why I'm loving our meditation challenge in the Emporium this month.

We would really love your help in leaving a legacy behind and inspiring change around the world by raising awareness and inspiring one person at a time to be the healthiest and happiest version of themselves. If you would love to be involved in something bigger than yourself, please don’t hesitate to message me or share my video above. I would love to hear from you!

Sending you all big love and wishing you a beautiful day!

Why balance is BULLS*%T

Dealing with Excuses

Earlier this week I did a live on my Facebook squashing some of the bullshit excuses and myths people have and tell themselves about success and why they can't have it.

1. First one being is that it comes from a natural ability...sorry but NO, it's a trait called GRIT and I will tell you a tell about what it is and how you develop it.

2. Second is that if you can't keep a balance in the pursuit of success it's not working or meant to be for you.. sorry to break it to you BUT balance is a PRIVILEGE.

Tune in to hear the research and facts around what it takes to be successful so you can understand you can have, do and be whoever you want. There is a Life Above Zero and you deserve to live it!

Feel the fear and do it anyway

How to deal with Fear Podcast

Many of you already know I stepped out of my comfort zone last week and did my first podcast featuring on Ignite your Legend. We spoke about how to identify and remove road blocks which are preventing you from living your own Life Above Zero.

I share what tools I personally use to push past negative self-talk, why I decided to leave my comfort zone, carve my own path and start my own business in hope I inspire and empower you to "Feel the fear and do it anyway”, because we all know that's where the magic is, when your forced to grow Empowering you to live a Life of Health, Wealth and Abundance

Don't Complicate It

Time to make things simple

I hope 2017 is treating you well! You may of seen over Christmas, photos of my travels around Mexico, Colombia and Cuba! I have definitely started the new year feeling refreshed and enlightened, it was an awakening becoming so aware of how fast paced and complex our lives are in comparison to the time warped Cuba!

When did we get in such a hurry?

In the western world we make things so complex - but in terms of our health and happiness it really is quite simple; we need to get right back to the basics, we need to stop complicating things.

It's sad but nearly everyone I know and the clients I work with, are overwhelmed, overworked, overfed yet undernourished.

We are bombarded with so many options and so much information, we throw our hands up in the air and give up.

Let me simplify it for you

If you're feeling grumpy, unfulfilled, lethargic, stagnant, in a slump... do at least one, if not all of the following things:

1. Put love back into your food. Eat more Wholefoods! Eat more food that has been touched by the sun as it contains natural energy. Eat to fuel your body not to flaw it.

2. Drink more water.

3. Move your body every day. Include conscious movement into your lifestyle, do things you enjoy, run, walk, swim, dance, kick the footy, ride .

4. Love and invest in your relationships. Put in as often as you takeaway and get rid of the relationships that don't make you feel good.

5. Reflect. Just like Alcohol addiction - ask what role is technology having in your life? Use it as a tool don't let it use you.

6. Practise Gratitude. Be thankful for your running clean water, warm showers, our health care system, a roof over your head. When you come from a place of abundance, you attract abundance.

It's rocket science right? ;)

Have a beautiful, simplified day lovers

Are you inwardly fluent or outwardly influenced?

Understanding how you are Influenced

They say do something everyday that scares you... and oh man did this put butterflies is my stomach but I know that is because this is something I know means a lot to me ... I love my job as a Life Coach, I love helping people whether that is in my one on one coaching or workshops,

I love that look on my clients faces and their tone in their voice when it all just clicks and they find that inner peace, clarity and purpose BUT I also know that too often the people who need my services the most are the ones that can't afford it (and unfortunately at this point in my life I need to make a living ).

This is why I have jumped out of my comfort zone and FINALLY launched my own YouTube channel in the hope I can help people out there that I am not able to currently reach within my four walls.

I know you guys have heard me talk about wanting to launch my own Youtube Channel before and now I HAVE FINALLY DONE IT. So please subscribe and share, I would love your feedback and am so grateful for your continued support . Please feel free to email me ideas of things or topics you may be struggling with and you would like me to talk about in future video's.

This video challenges you on who you are...are you aware of what it is that you stand for? What are your values? What lights you up?

If you don't stand for something, you will fall for everything.  Having that clarity around who you are, what is important to you and the direction you want to go will make you an outwardly influential person, otherwise you will spend a lot of time being influenced, doing things to please others, spending time and energy on things that don't make you a healthier and happier you.

So what is it you need to become clearer on?

There is a Life Above Zero and you deserve to live it, Enjoy!

The secret to happiness and success

The Secret to True Happiness

My partner recently said something to me that stood out… and got the reflective juices flowing, resulting in this blog! I was telling him the exciting news that I had just been offered a position at work, that I really wanted. His response was “Of course you did Lauren, if only once you didn’t get what you wanted.”

I told my Dad the same good news, his response was similar, “Of course you did, you’re Lauren, everything always works out for you.”

At first, I was offended by these remarks from the two men in my life that I seek approval and attention from. What they said sounded to me like I was a spoilt brat, who gets whatever they want handed to them on a silver platter. I know that was not their intention. I know, and they know (and anyone else who witnesses how hard I work, constantly and whole heartedly knows) that is not the case.

But, They are Right…

But yes, they are right, in some way or another, I do always get what I want. There is a process to my thinking surrounding these things:

• I have a hard think about what I truly, deeply want/need, to be a happy and healthy human.

• I question what receiving or gaining that would give me or change in my life.

• I allocate my time and energies accordingly.

That is why I am a Life and Wellness coach; I want to teach others how they can get what they want, how to live the life they want and how to be the person they want to be. If you’re not going to go out and get it, no-one else is going to give it to you.

So, I’ve decided to share with you my personal formula for happiness and success (to me they are the same thing!)

1) Have a Vision

Firstly ask what is success to you? Is it a personal vision, is it a feeling, way of life, a position? Is it wisdom, ownership of materialistic possessions? In one on one life coaching in my practice – I help people become aware of their goals, their passions and purpose, then I coach them to set and achieve goals in accordance to them.

A good way to get the goal or that vision in your head is creating a vision board or write a letter from your future self! It sounds corny but just try it (or feel free to email me if you want help), and from there, work backwards…

2) Acceptance

When I don’t get what I want - I don’t stamp my feet and chuck a tantrum (although I am sure there are occasions growing up my Dad would probably disagree with that). In the real “adult” world, I handle closed doors and disappointments very differently.

This is why people may have the “illusion” that I always get what I want, because I practice acceptance. I say if I had always got what I wanted, I would be one unhappy girl today. I have learnt to be thankful for closed doors, detours and roadblocks, because they protect me from paths and places not meant for me.

Sure, I have thrown a little pity party for myself, but have learned to free myself from them as I gain emotional intelligence and maturity – you need to be able to identify your feelings. Recognise them and give yourself space to allow them. Experience those feelings, otherwise they don’t go away they just get suppressed.

However, I don’t let my pity party turn into a pity bender - I shift my thought patterns, motivation and commitment to an alternate route and keep moving forward, with more enthusiasm! When I get knocked down, I get back up again, trusting the universe has bigger better plans for me (this is where religion may play a role for some).

3) Be Kind

I am kind to everyone I meet. Everyone.

Whether they be in my professional or personal world, I am always kind (this can be challenging sometimes working in Child Protection, nonetheless I do it anyway). When you are kind and help others, most people are kind in return, and are happy to help you on your road to success.

If you need something; help, advice or to be introduced to someone who can help, usually, a person you have been kind to will be more than willing to help out! So don’t have ulterior motives, help others and be kind to every soul you meet, it’s called ‘Karma’ and it will return the favour some day!

4) Be Genuine

When I say I am kind, that does not mean I am fake or sugar coat my words. I don’t beat around the bush or just tell people what they want to hear (this would definitely not work in Child Protection). Sometimes, if I have something I need to say that may offend someone, I will say it anyway (nicely). I can explain my intentions; if I have to say something that might hurt someone’s feelings I explain that I’ve said it in the best interest of that person (and check back in with yourself, reflect and question yourself to ensure it really is!

How will this person benefit from hearing what it is you have to say? Does it really need to be said if it is at the risk of hurting their feelings or beating their self-esteem). I explain to them, I am telling them this because I care for them and want to be transparent with them.

5) Work hard

Identify your end goal, and ask how badly do you want it? What are you willing to sacrifice for it?

It is true, if it was easy we would all have it or all do it.

Sometimes it is easier to whinge and moan, to blame it on bad luck and on others, than it is to take ownership, to take accountability and to step up and make changes.

If you want to lose weight, but aren’t willing to eat a balanced diet or get your body moving – then you obviously don’t want to lose the weight bad enough.

If you want an A in your next exam, but you want to keep watching that TV series instead, it’s obvious that don’t want those grades bad enough.

If you want true committed love, yet aren’t wiling to suck up your pride and have the uncomfortable discussions with your partner to work out your issues, then guess what? You don’t want the relationship bad enough.

Working hard isn’t about instant gratification either, if you want something - work at it - do not give up. It’s about persistence, it’s making sacrifices today for something you might not necessarily see tomorrow or the next day, but trust you will reap the benefits in a month or years time.

This is how University works! I am sure a few of you reading this are just like me and juggled 3-4 part time/casual jobs whilst studying at uni, knowing in 4-5 years time it would all be worth it! Same as going for a run (despite the fact you do get instant release of endorphins) you can not expect to drop weight after one run, it comes back to consistent work.

If the end goal is truly something you madly, deeply want, something your heart is longing for, then the hard/persistent work won’t discourage you, you will go to bed dreaming about it and wake up excited about it! And if you don’t, revisit your goal, ask yourself do you truly want it? This is leads me to…

6) Reflection.

This is a biggie for me. I frequently reflect to ensure the life I am living is in accordance with my values, things I believe are important. This is how I make decisions and weigh up what sacrifices are worth making, or if I am sacrificing too much. A way I keep this in check, is by using my ‘mission statement’.

It is little piece of paper I have written and keep in my diary, I have identified my top 5 values and articulated how the person I aspire to be would ideally incorporate these into their life accordingly (I will share this strategy in my next blog).

By reflecting, I ensure my behavior is aligning with my values, essentially making sure I am walking my talk. I reflect the purity of my intentions and ensure they are not manipulated by society, status, fashion or money – as these are things I have identified in my mission statement are not values of mine that I want to be controlled or dictated by.

7) Forgiveness

In life you must have emotional balance - just like you need a healthy dose of work and play, veggies and sweets, sun and rain. There is happiness and sadness. It is inevitable you are going to get hurt. But, don’t let the world make you hard. Love and live whole-heartedly. Forgive.

Don’t hold onto negative energy hating, bitching or stalking someone’s instagram/Facebook pages. All that does is make you spiteful and heavy.

It takes way more energy to hate than it does to love…so forgive…

It’s like my favourite saying “resentment is like drinking poison hoping it will kill your enemies” Nelson Mandela. Forgiveness however, does not necessarily mean to forget. Make an executive decision, you are your own boss – do I want this person in my life?

If I do… fair enough - acknowledge what they did was wrong, realise they are capable of doing it again, love and accept them anyway by planning for it or not allowing them to be in the position to hurt you again.

Be a lover not a fighter, and know better for next time. If you decided – No, you don’t want that person in your life anymore - then that’s also fair enough, respect yourself to walk away from anything that no longer serves or grows you.

Appreciate that lesson and let it go. Don’t waste energy ruminating over it, forgive them and use that energy to be constructive, move forward and closer to your success and happiness.

So, this is my personal formula. It may not work for everyone, but that’s the whole point of Life Coaching – identifying what is important to you, the individual, and living your life accordingly.

By practicing these 7 things in my life, I am a happier person, people often describe me as “happy - go lucky” and a “go getter”, I am motivated yet, also at peace with where I am. I get to live life light, with no baggage, no regrets nor hatred. I can look at myself in the mirror and be proud of who I am, because I treat everyone the same regardless of what they have to offer me.

Like everything in life - it comes down to balance – be a nice human but don’t expect things to be passed to you because of it – you still have to get up and chase those big dreams yourself…but that’s where the fun begins ;)

If you feel you need a little help please reach out – you can find some of my life coaching programs.

Sending happiness and success your way,

A hug a day DOES keep the Dr Away

A Hug a Day keeps the Dr Away

So if you haven’t already heard or checked out our holistic health program the Healthstyle Emporium, it is our very own sacred space where we empower our clients to be the healthiest and happiest versions of themselves. With access to all of our resources, such as monthly educational webinars, one on one coaching, access to our amazing team of health professionals, it’s a place where you can dive deep on our meal, exercise, yoga, and meditation guides. 

The best part about it is… we have regular challenges! We are currently in our 14 days of bliss challenge, where we are empowering our clients with daily assignments, rituals and routines aimed at eliminating and managing stress - the biggest contributor to unhappiness, disease and belly fat! Day 9’s de-stress activity was HUG THERAPY!

So, what is Hug Therapy?

You might agree, yeah hugs are nice, but what the hell is hug therapy?! Hug, snuggle and cuddle therapy is a new 21st century phenomena sweeping across our high tech world, where people are charging anywhere from $60- $90 per hour for healing, clothed, therapeutic, nonsexual touch.

However the theory of touch is not a new one! Research from as early as the 20th century investigates child development in which nurture (in the form of a soothing touch) plays a critical role.

Security & Relationships

• Research has discovered how essential physical touch is, not only for emotional regulation in children but also in adults and has consequences for the relationships individuals form later in life. One of the very first studies on touch was the infamous Harlow study which demonstrated that baby monkeys prefer a cloth doll without milk as a mother substitute over a metal doll with milk. We have come a long way in conducting ethical research since then, and I think it’s safe to say worldwide we agree that babies need to be held. There is evidence that adults who were frequently hugged and cuddled during early childhood display fewer stress symptoms than those less-hugged counterparts.

• Hugs teach us how to give and receive. There is equal value in receiving and being receptive to warmth, as to giving and sharing. Hugs educate us how love flows both ways.

• The nurturing touch of a hug builds trust and a sense of safety. This helps with open and honest communication.

HUGS PROMOTE Happiness

As adults we can live without hugs, but research proves we are happier with them!

• When we touch others we release oxytocin (known as the “pleasure” hormone) which increases feelings of attachment connection, trust and intimacy and heals feelings of loneliness, isolation, and anger.

• Holding a hug for an extended time lifts one's serotonin levels (known as the “happy” hormone”) which elevates your mood.

• Hugging boosts self-esteem. From the time we’re born, families’ touch reinforces we are loved and we are special. Association between self-worth and touch from our early years becomes imbedded in our nervous system. The cuddles we received from our Mum and Dad while growing up remain imprinted at a cellular level, and hugs remind us at a somatic level of that. Hugs, therefore, connect us to our ability to self-love.

• Hugging relaxes muscles, enabling tension to be released from the body. Hugs can take away pain; soothing aches by increasing circulation into the soft tissues.

• Similar to laughter and meditation, hugs encourage us to practice mindfulness, reminding us to let go and be present in the moment. They teach us to detach from logical thinking patterns - connecting you with your heart, your feelings and your breath.

black-and-white-free-hugs-grunge-hippie-Favim.com-2443097

Better health

• High levels of stress can weaken the immune system, making us more susceptible to illness and infection. However, research has found that physical affection also alleviates stress reactions in adults, by decreasing heart rate, blood pressure and cortisol levels (known as the “stress” hormone).

• Hugs strengthen the immune system, as the gentle pressure on the sternum creates an emotional charge activating the solar Plexus Chakra. This stimulates the thymus gland, which regulates and balances the body's production of white blood cells, keeping you healthy and disease free.

A hug a day, CAN keep the Dr. away!

Today we live in a fast paced, high stress world – where millions of us now live and love via our social mediums, with hundreds + friends on our Facebook, instagram, twitter networks, and yet somehow many of us are able to move through the entire day without having experienced one human-to-human, warm-bodied hug – isn’t that sad?

It’s cold and flu season again — so make sure you get plenty of sleep, get some extra vitamin C and… hug each other a little more! It’s that simple – Reach out and hug your partner, your friend, your co-worker, your family…and your life may not only feel better but last longer!

Running through your wall: A guide to breaking the mental barriers of running

Gold Coast Marathon

With the Gold Coast Marathon coming up in two weeks, I am sure some of you are thinking:

1. “Why would any sane person want to run 21/42km, who would do that to themselves?!” or

2. “I wish I could run like that.”

You already know I am not a Personal Trainer or exercise scientist; rather I am a fellow running enthusiast using my Psychology degree, to enable my clients to alter their mindset, focus on the positives and set goals to allow them to reach their full potential and take advantage of the abundance life has to offer!

I am one of the lucky ones, I inherited long running legs from my Mum, who was an athlete, and fortunately my Poppy is an athletic trainer. So growing up I got all the technical training and drills (and I guess the genetics)… However this blog is me handing down some tips I have learnt on the way - how to defeat that little voice in your head telling you, you can’t do it!

mum

1) Mastering the Mindset

Most long distance runners know defeating that ‘little voice’ is half the battle. Your mind is your most active component when it comes to running; your ego will tap out before your body will. During your run, do you find yourself saying “only 2 more songs” or working out how much you have done in comparison to how much you have to go?

Remind yourself this: As long as you’re breathing, your body will continue to go. That is why it is called aerobic or cardio exercise – your body just needs your heart pumping to deliver oxygen to your working muscles.

Aerobic exercise encourages the heart and breathing rate to increase in a way that can be sustained for the exercise session; your body is designed to do this. So don’t buy into what that little devil in your head is saying, keep running, your body has got this!

2) Just keep breathing

Like I said – cardio is all about the breath and this is where most people struggle. Do you panic hearing yourself get out of breath? It’s for this exact reason I rarely run/train with other people in fear they are not in control of their breath – I can hear when they become flustered and panic, struggling with their inconsistent breaths, which can cause me to struggle to stay in sync with my own breath.

I have taught many of my friends and clients this: slow down your breath.

To be honest, this is my number 1 trick. When you’re in control of your breath, you become in the flow, you are able to run with ease for kilometres without becoming overwhelmed, having to think or count down the KM’s – you can just be. For me, I breathe in through my nose, out through my mouth for long and slow breaths, ensuring my muscles are getting the maximum oxygen they can, to fuel my beautiful, long beach runs.

It may sound simple yet so many struggle with this. A good trick is to take yoga classes! Yoga teaches you to become aware, focus and control your breath, even when holding poses that cause your heart rate to skyrocket, yoga is able to teach you to find ease, stillness and peace in the discomfort.

3) Update Your Inner Dialogue

The truth is  change is unfamiliar, it takes effort and requires us to leave our comfort zone, and understandably people unconsciously only move towards situations that make us feel better.

Consequently, we only make changes when the pain of staying where we are, exceeds the pain of growing.  Unfortunately, even if we don't like where we currently are, what we are doing or who we are with, if moving forward or the fear of the unknown feels worse, often we will remain in our familiar discomfort and neglect our goals and dreams.

So I ask you… do you really want to run? What about it is going to make you feel better?

Explore your narrative, what thoughts do you associate with running?

• Are you telling yourself it will be embarrassing if someone sees you running?

• Are you telling yourself that you will be too exhausted to go for a run after a long day at work?

• Are you telling yourself it’s too cold and raining outside?

• Are you focusing on all the times you’ve said you’re going to train and work up to it and didn’t follow through?

• Are you thinking of all the other things you have to do and that you won’t have the time to run for an hour?

If this sounds like your story – it makes sense that you struggle to take action.

So — let’s write a new chapter...

Small shifts in your thoughts create big shifts in your behavior.

Try shifting to:

• “Running after work is my secret weapon to rebooting my energy and releasing those endorphins”

• “I will feel really f-ing proud of myself if I get up and start kicking my own goals, rather than just talking about it and worrying about what others may think”

• “I have been sitting inside rugged up staring at a computer screen for 8 hours, I can’t wait to get outside amongst nature, warm myself up and feel the fresh air upon my face”

• “I struggled in the past, but this time I’ve got a revived outlook, enthusiasm and motivation for creating the life I want and doing things I say I want to do.”

• “I am so excited to have one hour to myself out of my busy day, one hour to treat myself, focus on my breath, clear my mind and be present”

You get to choose the thoughts that are in your head. Write a fresh story, one that motivates, enthuses and excites you to get moving and make changes.

4) Spice it up! Make it fun!

Mix it up. Download some new songs or make a playlist of all your old school favourites! I love the sunrise over the ocean so that’s my motivation for getting up for my run in the morning. Mix up your routes, go exploring, run to your favourite look out! Even use some healthy competition, download an app where you can monitor your pace and try beat your last run.

5) Create a Community of Support

Humans are social beings who thrive on meaningful connection. Successful treatment or rehabilitation for any mental or physical condition relies on utilizing a support network. So, if you are trying to create a healthy lifestyle, form healthy habits or run those longer distances, get a friend on board! Set goals together, register for an event or a marathon so you have something to train and aim for, join a running group or hire a personal trainer.

Surround yourself with like-minded people who will inspire and motivate you, who will hold you accountable to the changes you say your are going to make, people who will remind you of your "why". Whether it is following inspirational people on your social media, family, friends, an online forum or a life coach, the support you need is out there. Go find it!

6) Be Smart: Create a foolproof environment

If you have decided running is something you want to do/ be better at/is a goal you want to work towards, you need to be smart about planning for success. When we are planning to make changes in our lives, we often over-estimate our ability to practice self-control by not accounting for influences of our environment.

You don't want to eat junk food? Don't have them in your home. You don’t want to drink?

Don’t go to the club. Clean out your environment, and likewise be deliberate in building yourself a supportive environment. This may be something as simple as putting your phone on charge on the other side of the room to ensure you wake up and go for you run first thing in the morning, before you find yourself scrolling down on your insta/facebook feed for an hour.

Or even packing your runners in your bag so after work you don’t have to go home before you go for a run, preventing the opportunity to get comfortable on the couch! I do things like purposely organising or leaving my car places so if I need it, I have to run back there!

Put as much distance as you can between you and your temptations for unwanted behaviour.

It may not always have to be this way, but in the early stages of building change, be smart, honest and kind to yourself. You're not super human, we all have our kryptonite (mine is cookie dough oooops),  so don’t put yourself in situations where you have to be so strong. Give yourself a safety net.

If you want to stop wishing you could run like those fit people on your insta feed and actually run like that or if you want to stick it to that little voice in your head and prove you can do it… try some of these little tricks….AND RUN FOREST, RUN!

Healthy Peach: How I have cleared my skin after 15 years

How i Cleared My Skin

So my friends and family can vouch for this - I have personally struggled with my skin on and off for the last 6 years – I think that comes hand in hand being a young woman being fed different information and receiving different health recommendations from varying skin and health professionals…

After years of money spent and trying different products and prescriptions - if you could see me now you would not think I have had such a struggle.

My skin is flawless and because I was so embarrassed by my face I never took photos to be able to prove or share my story or progress. But my business partner and friend Chani Healthy Peach has – she has even written a blog to share our secret on how we have beat acne. Find her featured blog below.

Teenage Years

Its funny. When I look back on my teenage years in high school, I honestly thought that my skin issues would eventually subside one day. I never thought that at the age of 27 years old, I would still be dealing with the battle of acne and the snowball of emotions, thoughts and feelings that came along with it.

I know that talking about this publicly is going to reach so many young women, even men, in the same position that I was in about a year ago. A year ago, I had acne all over my face. It was heart wrenching - how vain does that sound?! But it was.

It was so bad that I would run late for appointments and meetings because I would underestimate the time It would take me to cover it up with makeup… I could literally spend hours trying to cover it up - which only made it worse. I would call in sick to my job or cancel plans with girlfriends because I didn't want to be seen in public.

Many of you know I work in an operating theatre at times as an anaesthetic nurse… Well, there were days there were I would literally grab myself a mask that was only meant to be worn in sterile conditions and walk around for my entire shift with one on so I could cover my face up.

I spent hundreds of dollars worth on treatments to try and combat what was happening on my face - microdermabrasion, skin acid peels, laser… you name it (thank goodness my mother is a skin specialist - she really did help me control my skin and helped me in so many other ways… emotionally and mentally… more than she’ll ever know).

A client of mine who recently went through a similar thing with her skin explained it perfectly. She said her acne was worse than feeling overweight. She said "It’s on your face, people talk to you and look straight at your face and it's something that you just can't hide. You see people’s eyes zig zag from left to right, subconsciously or maybe consciously judging your face and you cant help but wonder how it looks at that very moment in time. Are they looking at my face? Does it look bad? Has my makeup worn off?”.

She was so right, those of you in the same boat would know that your confidence reaches an all time low. You go through waves of emotions of having a ‘good day’ followed by a ‘bad week’ where your skin just does its own thing and is so unpredictable. In a day and age where you feel as though looks sadly matter - it's every girl's nightmare.

Well Today

I am acne free. Actually I’m 100% pimple free! And I'm going to share with you what I did to combat 15 years of acne issues. YES 15 years! ZOMG. Thanks goodness it's over.

It started in my early teens for me, I was 13 years old, I guess my hormones kicked in and it snowballed from there. I didn't have the best diet back then believe it or not (fizzy sugary drinks, lollies, chocolate, not so healthy lunch boxes because I was a fussy child & hated fruit), plus I was dealing with stress from trying to be an academic at school, plus other stressors of being a young teenager… boys, fitting in, sports, acceptance. It was certainly a collection of things that contributed when I look back now.

How I wish I could teleport to my high school self and just give myself a big hug now…

Today when someone asks me for advice on skin, the first thing I say is (and gosh I wish I knew all this all those years ago), what’s happening on your skin is indicative to what’s going on inside your body. It’s an inflammatory response.

Our bodies have this amazing power and beautiful capability of sending us messages about what's going on inside, but sadly this isn't taught to us in school or at any point in our lives actually.

LISTENING & UNDERSTANDING YOUR BODY

We’re not taught to read messages and become intuitive with our bodies and treat the underlining issue, we’re taught to go to a doctor for a prescription, go to a chemist, purchase a ridiculous amount in dollars worth of pharmaceuticals and mask symptoms with bandaid fixtures instead.

I spent 18 months on roaccutane at the age of 17 years old. One of the most potent pharmaceuticals known in the medical industry. So toxic that if a woman falls pregnant on this drug she is forced to terminate her pregnancy.

So strong and harmful on our bodies that our lips crack and bleed, your eyes stop producing natural lubrication so eye drops 3-6 times a day are a regular routine thing, your skin totally stops producing natural oils so your flakey, dry and you don't heal as quickly if you cut or burn yourself.

Your gums bleed, your nails don't grow, your hair looks as dry as a hay stack from a farm barn and your joints and muscles take such a hit that any form of exercise or movement, even yoga, is a no deal.

And guess what, 18 months went by, my skin was clear for 6 months, and then I found myself at square one. If I knew the things I know now about roaccutane, I wouldn't have ever gone anywhere near it not even with a 10 foot pole. Especially now knowing I was able to heal myself so simply and naturally.

Fast forward to 2015 and I'm 27 years old, still combatting acne. Not so bad - but it's still lingering around at this point in my life. You can check out my photos above. The before photos were taken last year in June, 2015. At this time in my life I had spent 7 years studying subjects pertaining to health.

Exercise science, nursing, nutrition & health coaching. So my lifestyle and habits changed and my skin improved, but not 100%. I was lucky enough that my mum was a specialist in the cosmetic & skin industry and was able to help me out with treatments for my skin to keep it under some type of control.

If you check out my blog archive, you’ll see I went to The Democratic Republic of Congo (The D.R.C) last year in August 2015 to work in a small hospital theatre in the town of Goma for just over a month.

Before I left for Congo a good friend of mine, Dr. Anthony Golle (you may know him from the amazing documentary Overfed & Undernourished) introduced me to something that was absolutely life changing. Not only for my skin, but for so many other aspects of my health that I'm about to share with you that I honestly won't ever have anything to repay him back with.

He introduced me to the ONLY product in the world that is organic, natural and 100% whole food put into a vegan capsule. Yep. How crazy is that. No added anything, no sugar, no preservatives, no additives.

JUST fruit, vegetables and berries…

There's nothing in the ingredient list except for actual food and it even has a nutritional label... something you don't see very often on the back of the bottle of any capsule.

When I was introduced to this product I was actually sold on the fact that the product contained 27 different serves of organic fruit, vegetables and berries in the capsules. They're picked at their most ripest state, made into a big old smoothie, dehydrated at a low heat so the enzymes are still active and THEN encapsulated into a vegan capsule.

I was about to hit one of the most poorest third world countries in the world where vegetables and fruit, and any type of nutritious food for that matter, was totally non existent so taking this product over with me was a total no brainer. Um hellooo, 27 different serves of real food in one hit.

YES PLEASE SIGN ME UP…

Not to mention it has over 20 published medical and scientific research journals and 10+ more currently underway. I’m a girl who does her research, and they had me at hello.

So you're probably wondering what fruits, berries & veggies have to do with skin, right? What began to happen to me when I implemented all this high quality nutrition into my daily diet - I don’t even know how I can put this in words to make you understand but I’ll try.

I travelled to Goma with a team of 10 surgeons, anaesthetists, nurses, physiotherapist’s and administrative staff. We all worked a ridiculous amount of hours in extremely tough conditions with a poor diet of just bread, rice and potato for the whole month, and for some reason - I was the only one who didn't get sick.

I was the only one who didn't suffer from some type of gastro bug, cold or flu symptoms, bloating, digestive issues, sickness or lethargy. In fact my energy was at an all time high the entire time (not like my colleagues who needed naps and sick days off in between), my immune system was pumping and to be honest I only noticed on the plane home when I realised how unwell the others felt, and how unreal I felt.

When I stepped off the plane to meet my family, the first thing everyone noticed was MY SKIN! Not a single blemish in sight. And I had just spent a whole month in a third world country, in a high stress environment, with no nutrition & hardly any sleep or exercise.

Today, we implement this product in our online program The Healthstyle Emporium. Why? Because we NEED to tell everyone and anyone about this shift in health we all need to start jumping on.

It's amazing what a bunch of veggies, fruit and berries in your daily diet will do to you - energy increase, sleep quality increase, cravings decrease, skin, hair and nail health multiplies by 100 fold, weight loss is a dream, memory and concentration goes through the roof ... the list positive effects goes on & on.

THE HSE…

The Healthstyle Emporium was created to make people realise we REALLY don't need to do anything to crazy to change our health other than flood our bodies with the delicious nutrients, enzymes, vitamins and essential micronutrients that our ancestors grew up on & that our bodies so deliciously thrive off.

The second thing we need to do is simply implement some healthy lifestyle habits and look at our health holistically, I call it going back to basics, pretty much The Healthstyle Emporium in a nutshell.

The 5500+ women who are apart of The Emporium so far can tell you right now the amazing list of results they’ve received since starting. Improved skin, increased energy, decreased cravings, stronger hair, nails and skin, weight loss, decreased digestive issues, better mentality plus so much more.

THE TESTIMONIALS

All you have to do is check out our testimonials page to read real talk from real people and see for yourself. Man, I was even able to quit my 6 shots a day coffee addiction because of these magic little encapsulated babies.

Why? Because our bodies thrive of nutrition and anything is possible when you're body is adequately nourished. And this is what you're doing when you eat 27 serves of WHOLE-FOOD daily. I haven’t had a coffee since July 2015... and I was a total ADDICT.

After 15 long years of trial and error, I honestly wish I was given this little secret a long long time ago. Now I can give you that secret - It’s here, and it's only a click of a button away.

Whether you’re wanting to:

• Clear your skin,

• Lose weight,

• Improve your lifestyle, health & happiness,

• Learn how to make delicious, easy and healthy meals,

• Introduce yoga, meditation & relaxation into your life,

• Decrease stress,

• Learn all there is to know about nutrition & exercise,

• Be kept accountable,

• Improve the appearance of your skin, hair & nails,

• Treat uncomfortable digestive issues,

• Have a support group where you know you're not alone,

• Or you just want to improve your general overall well being, feeling & motivation...

Then I know we can help you within The Emporium, having you partake in all our resources, monthly educational webinars, one on one coaching, having access to our amazing team of health professionals, diving in deep on our meal, exercise, yoga, and meditation guides, having access to all my ebooks for free + taking your capsules daily! 

The best part about it… your kids get to be apart of the emporium and take the product FOR FREE.

Increasing the value of life for our little humans in our lives … energy, behaviour, implementing whole foods in their life daily like this!? Man, I wish I was given this all those years ago, but you know what - I’m so glad I have it now.

If you feel like this blog resonated with you, I would so love to hear from you & I would so love to help you. I personally respond to every single email that comes through my inbox so if you feel the universe tugging at you to hit that contact me button below. Please do. I’m here waiting & I can't wait to meet you.

contact me

New Form

Do you need Yoga in your life?

How Yoga can help you in everyday life

So… most of you may of seen over the last few months we have launched a holistic health Program called the Healthstyle Emporium!

It’s an online hub where health professionals have linked arms from all around the globe – yogi’s, qualified psychologists, skin experts, rieki healers, exercise scientists, PT’s, nurses, nutrition/health and life coaches – to be able to deliver a program that educates, empowers you to make sustainable healthy life choices and nourishes your mind, body and soul.

One of the Amazing Health Professionals I have been fortunate enough to work with is Chani Carroso – who is the infamous Nutrition Coach and Founder of Healthy Peach.

 For our beautiful clients in the Healthstyle Emporium, Chani is running a 30 DAY MAY YOGI CHALLENGE – exclusive to all our members, just another goodie that comes with our programs.

Are you someone who has always wanted to try yoga?

Maybe you've started but you're not really vibing like everyone else. Maybe you're on a health quest trying to find the answer, be it fitness or spiritual... and you feel like the answer is in yoga, but you can't really see what all the fuss is about?

30 Day May Yogi Challenge

With the 30 DAY MAY YOGI CHALLENGE which started today, Chani wrote about why you need this beautiful ancient tradition in your life.  Below is Healthy Peach's Featured Blog / be sure to check out our program The Healthstyle Emporium to get a chance to work with her and soak up the knowledge, wisdom, energy and positive vibes our team have to offer!

yoga handstand

What is Yoga? 

Yoga means “to come together”. So what exactly are we bringing together when we breath deeply, twist, bend, stretch and hold funny looking poses?

Historically, the yogi’s (people who practiced yoga) believed that yoga could unite people with the entire universe, and bring an understanding to us, that all living beings are one, be it humans, tree’s, microscopic bacteria or your pet pooch.

Today, the modern yogi philosophy preaches a life of comfort, kindness, happiness, feeling great and feeling more alive. Yoga to me in a modern context, means bringing all corners of our life together into a delicious holistic harmonious circle of life… and finding balance within that circle. Love, career, finances, spirituality, creativity, joy, home life, relationships, physical activity, home cooking, health & power. More on that later!

Its super simple to practice yoga. You may think yoga isn't for you because you might feel as though you're not flexible, fit or strong. Maybe your mind wanders. But this is the funny part - yoga has nothing to do with all of that.

The number one rule and focus of yoga is…wait for it… breath. Yup! If you can breath - which I'm guessing if your eyes are peeled to this blog right in this moment, you are alive and you CAN BREATH. So guess what, you can practice yoga & be really really good at it!

Yes, at times you must balance like a tree or arrange your body into a cobra, the physical component of yoga comes with practice and strong will. After continuous love and devotion to your practice, I promise you, you will lose weight, strengthen your muscles, increase flexibility and circulation, increase healing, boost your immunity and calm your nervous system all at the same time.

What will yoga do for your mind and soul?

Oh, where do I begin. You become less reactive in stressful situations, like during a confrontation or when every single light on the way to work is red but you were meant to be there 10 minutes ago.

You’re able to care less about others opinions and criticism. You judge yourself less. You’re able to stick up for yourself in ways you didn't think were possible and you’re able to stand your ground. When you’re walking or driving through your every day life, you notice how beautiful that little butterfly floating in the wind is or how amazing the tree’s look with the sun glistening on their green deliciously thick foliage.

You feel spontaneous moments of gratitude for the little things in life like having 10 fingers and toes and having a roof over your head… however they may look like or whatever type of roof that may be. You smile in the most mundane moments, because you see the message. You are more present in life, living in the now rather than in the what was or what could be. You feel more compassion for others and you let go of situations with much more ease.

In time, your yoga practice will evolve into a lifestyle of peace and gratitude, you’ll stand up a little taller, breath a little deeper, be a little more honest with yourself (and others), your intentions will be a little more grounded and your mindset will be a little more beautiful. The perfect antidote for the modern day stressors.

So why does this all happen…

How does a physical exercise completely transform your body, mind & soul?

Its all starts when you realise you can quiet your mind THROUGH your body, and through YOUR BREATH. When your toes hit the mat - the magic begins. And the most beautiful part of it all, the benefits and magic follow you off the matt and weave themselves into your life.

According to the ancient philosophy of yoga, EVERY human is compassionate, loving and peaceful. Yoga just helps us first find that goodness within ourselves, and in others too… No matter who they are. Yoga helps you cut that umbilical cord to the anger, resentment, judgement and doubt we have within ourselves and towards others. And the more you practice yoga, the more clearly you will see how imperfectly perfect you are, as well as everyone else.

No matter what your skill level is, or what your goals are - whether your goals are spiritual, physical, or you’re just curious to see what all the fuss is about about one of the world's oldest traditions… The wise yogi knows it's not the destination that should be in sight, but the process & the journey itself. Perhaps, it's not what you’re longing for that will bring you complete happiness, maybe it's right now - this very little moment - that is the actual reward.

So I invite you, join us in The Emporium for the month of May - and delve deep into our juicy 30 day yogi challenge [details below].

Namaste x

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WHO'S JOINING US IN THE 30 DAY CHALLENGE?

To celebrate the release of The Healthy Peach Yoga + Stretch guide this month, we will be holding a 30 day yogi challenge exclusively within our gorgeous online hub, The Healthstyle Emporium.

FOR ALL FITNESS LEVELS.

What's involved? 

• Every day for 30 days we will focus on one asana (pose),

• A variety of sitting poses, standing poses, balancing poses, forward / back bend poses & 2 advanced poses for the courageous yogi's.

• You will learn the benefits of each asana,

• Step by step instructions on how to complete each asana,

• Tips for beginner, Intermediate and advanced yogi for each asana,

• How and when to move, lengthen & strengthen in each asana,

• How to breath through each asana (prana & apana)

• Which chakra/chakras are being energized,

• Daily intention and mantra for you to have a delicious day ahead.

Each day, the asana of the day will be posted with all the information in The Emporium.

How to get involved?

You must post a picture of your asana in the thread of each daily post. Prizes for the most involved and creative photo taking yogi babe will be given at the end (including active wear by Muscle Republic, a Doterra ice blue rub for those achy muscles and joints + yummo juice plus shakes).

Starts today, the first Monday of May. 

Wishing you health & happiness.

Tips on How to Understand Your Other Half

Did you know?

Boys find it more difficult than girls to calm themselves down once upset, so therefore work harder to avoid emotion in the first place.

We see this in marriages…

This pattern appears to be maintained in marital interactions, when married people argue; husbands show stronger and longer-lasting physiological arousal than wives. As a result, husbands tend to avoid marital conflicts, whereas wives are more willing to argue and confront their spouse with problems.

Contradictory to what you are lead to believe - women are not more emotional than men

Read my last blog to understand why the traditional stereotype of female emotionality is wrong. However there is an understandable basis for it with western society and culture placing men under more pressure to restrain from emotions and refrain from expressing feelings.

Men and women cope with the same bad moods in different ways

A general theory is that when feeling depressed, women frequently respond with rumination (thinking about the problem) where as men more commonly try to distract themselves with other thoughts or activities.

It’s suggested this may contribute to the higher rate of depression among women, as rumination about the reason behind feeling depressed is more likely to prolong the bad feelings than shifting the attention to something more cheerful such as a sport or hobby.

Men often seek to keep themselves busy doing some task or chore, which helps by not only taking the mind off trouble but allowing feelings of success and efficiency to foster if something useful can be achieved.

We consume different things…

Women tend to eat whilst men tend to drink in order to regulate moods. When seeking to feel better, women are more likely to go shopping or ring someone to talk about an issue. Whilst men are more likely than women to turn to humor to make light of the problem, and rate sexual activity as a successful method to improve their emotional state.

However this also leads to the belief women find hard to comprehend; when women want to talk, men want sex.

It’s suggested it does not necessarily mean the same emotions aren’t felt on either part, however due to cultures display rules, sex may of evolved as an appropriate and successful method of expression and release of emotion for men. This leads to the question…

Does sex mean the same for men and as it does for women?

Women create emotional intimacy through talk and self-disclosure, where-as men tend to do so through activity. In marriage, sex is often the activity that men use to create intimacy. It is argued that in most contemporary couples, wives do not count sex as communication or as a method for establishing intimacy.

Research has confirmed this difference; women would like for their male partners to be more emotionally communicative, and men would like more sex. This difference can produce a discrepancy in what each thinks is the level of communication in their relationship.

We aren’t talking the same language

The differences between men’s and women’s typical styles of communication have been proposed as a major source of conflict in marriage as it’s contended that men and women use different communication styles and strategies, even though goals and feelings are similar.

Communication is a major task for couples with many people believing women’s speech is more emotional than a man’s, and women are more likely to show sympathy and communicate their support in problem situations. However in a study in which men and women offered supportive communications, few differences appeared between men’s and women’s style of communication.

What can we learn from others mistakes

In regards to dissolving relationships, although divorced men and women both described failures to live up to their ideals, descriptions showed some variation. Both women and men saw failures in achieving emotional intimacy, but attributed the failures to different reasons.

Women tended to claim husbands had not talked nor shared feelings with them as they had expected, essentially there was no communication. Divorced men largely agreed with this assertion, blaming themselves for not communicating with their former wives, maintaining they had difficulties in talking about their feelings.

However divorced men also claimed their wives had failed to provide emotional support, which they tended to define as physical affection. The working class men repeatedly said that their wives were not waiting “with their arms open and a kiss” when the men came home from work. Such physical manifestations of intimacy were lacking, resulting in feelings that marriages were lacking emotional intimacy.

Understand, we are talking the same words in different languages

These gender related differences reflect the talk based-based versus action-based styles that are typical of women and men, suggesting however the differences may be due to cultures “display rules” which vary for each gender rather than a difference in emotion.

Consistent with highlighted research, however contrasting the prevalent stereotype of over emotional women in western culture, it has become apparent the need for new gender stereotypes to be evolved and accepted in society, especially in regards to increasing levels of depression and anxiety.

Such gender stereotypes that run more closely dictating the reality of the similarities in emotion that are experienced by both genders rather than the slight differences in expression that are exaggerated by the notion ‘men are from Mars and women are from Venus’.

HELPFUL TIPS TO UNDERSTAND YOUR PARTNER

• Teach your children what you have learnt from reading this; breaking down stereotypes begins with them. Encourage your son’s it is OK to cry and talk about their emotions. Encourage your daughters to self regulate through sport or an activity where they will achieve a sense of efficiency rather than ruminating.

• If you are having trouble understanding your partner – ask them to read this. Ask if they agree or what their thoughts are – it might start a discussion.

• Ask you partner how you can make them feel loved? For some it is just being there, for others they need words, physical affection or it being demonstrated by a gesture (a good book to read is the 5 love languages by Gary Chapman to understand this more).

• In turn ask your partner how they show you they love you…

You may be surprised, your partner may have been putting in so much effort into loving you, but you have been deaf or blind to their language.

 Click here to find the studies mentioned in this issue

Are women really from Venus and men from Mars?

Breaking it down

Generally in our western world women are “stereotypically” known to be overwhelmed with feelings and to be more guided by them, in contrast to men who “stereotypically” make decisions based on cool, rational deliberation.

Our two emotional and communication styles have people all around the world questioning how can we be so different? Are women really from Venus and men from Mars?

We are prisoners of society

The culture you surround yourself with dictates what is “appropriate” expressions of emotions and consequently influences the differences we see between men and women portraying the same feelings in different ways.

These are called display rules - and are enriched in our culture. They are so deeply absorbed and indoctrinated by society that they have been led to the belief that there are true sex differences in relation to emotion.

What if I told you men were more emotional than women?

Contradictory to today’s gender stereotypes, research may even suggest that men might be slightly more emotional than women. Whereas women may be more willing to report their emotions and claim to have stronger feelings, social norms may put pressure on men to suppress their emotions and not admit to having the same strong feelings.

The stereotypes of overemotional women and restrained men are among the most prevalent in the United States. A study stereotyping of emotion showed a bias in identifying anger with men and not women. Participants tended to interpret women’s reactions as sadness rather than anger, and had trouble seeing women as angry, even when women’s expressions were clearly angry.

The tendency for women to cry when they feel angry has repetitively appeared in cross-cultural surveys of emotion and in studies in which women alone explored their emotion expressions. For women, crying is a common expression of emotion, even in response to anger. It is considered a more culturally appropriate means of expressing anger than physical aggression.

However, crying is discouraged among boys and consequently men are much less likely to cry than women. Indeed men often misinterpret women’s crying as sadness or grief, which would be inappropriate in situations that provoke anger. This tendency for women to cry in situations in which men would not, may provide an explanation as to why women receive the label of “overemotional”.

The greater emotionality of women may be an illusion, the traditional view that women are more emotional and talk more, has also proven to be false. The smallest of gender differences are depicted, in which comparatively highlights (would you believe it) male’s tendency to talk more!

Why Men are more Emotional than Women

1. Men fall in love faster than women

2. Men have more experiences than women of loving someone that doesn’t love them back

3. When a love relationship breaks up men suffer more intense emotional distress than women

4. Men have more traditional concepts of love and marriage and are more romantic than women

5. Men are more likely to have romantic beliefs such as “Love lasts forever” and “there is one perfect love in the world for everyone.”

6. Women however are more likely to report physical symptoms of being in love, such as feeling like they are “floating on a cloud”

7. Boys find it more difficult than girls to calm themselves down once upset, so therefore work harder to avoid emotion in the first place

The traditional stereotype of female emotionality is wrong.

However there is an understandable basis for it with western society and culture placing men under more pressure to restrain from emotions and refrain from expressing feelings.

 I will let these facts resonate with you, in the meantime keep your eyes out for part 2 of this issue – learning specifically the psychology on how to understand your other half!

If you want to know more or read the psychological scientific journals yourself ?

 Click Here to find the list of studies mentioned in this issue

How to Fake it till you make it

I am not a complete Hippy, I swear!

I personally really love positive psychology, I live by concepts like the law of attraction, what you feel you attract, faking it until you make it etc. I strongly believe in how much power we hold simply in our mindsets… my belief in how powerful the mind can be was reinforced by my studies in Psychology.

I live by corny quotes you find in the book ‘The secret’’ one of my favourite’s is “whether you think you can or can’t, you are right.”

But, in saying that, the more I study and the more I read I find there is science and research that backs up my beliefs, so I don’t feel like a complete Hippy!

Here’s a little psychology for you...

Some psychology terms which relate to the power of perspective and belief having more influence than reality or actual ability;

Self-fulfilling prophecies;

referring to situations in which our initial expectation of others or even of our own self-expectations shape our behavior which in turn leads us to behave in ways consistent with these initial expectations.

Pygmalion effect;

which entails if you think something will happen you may unconsciously make it happen through your actions or inaction, in the workplace/educational system it is the phenomenon whereby the greater expectation placed upon people the better they perform.

So, does this mean you can fake it until you make it?

Virtually every social interaction involves reciprocal evaluations and the stakes are often higher in one direction than the other, with one party often having more power to impact the future of the other such as controlling access to resources.

For example in a job interview, the interviewer has power over the job candidates future and consequently the importance of the interviewers evaluation’s of the candidate has greater implications than the evaluations the candidate has of the interviewer.

Or on a date, lets be honest here! The woman wears the pants in todays dating world. The woman has control over whether or not this date will be going anywhere after the first coffee.

When was the last time you were nervous or being judged?

If you guys think back to any situation before you’ve entered a high-stake social evaluation – like a job interview, a first date or even like giving a presentation at school or uni? Most of us shrink in our chairs, hunch over our phones, notes or speech cards, adopting nonverbal postures that cause us to feel even more powerless.

But what if we did the opposite?

What if people were to stretch out and occupy more space, rather than slouching and taking up less?

In both human and non-human primates, expansive open postures reflect power whereas the opposite (closed and contractive) reflect low power, not only do these postures reflect power…but they PRODUCE it.

Prove it!

In a study by Carney, Cuddy, and Yap (2010), a brief power-pose induction was sufficient in biological testing to produce elevations in testosterone, decreases in cortisol, increased self-reported feelings of power, and a greater self-reported tolerance for risk.

In another study by Amy Cuddy, Caroline Wilmuth and Dana Carney from University of California at Berkeley, 2012 (The Benefit of power posing before a high-stake social evaluation) demonstrated that holding a high power pose increases both your implicit and explicit feelings of power and dominance, risk-taking behaviour, action orientation, confidence, performance, pain tolerance, and testosterone (being the dominance hormone) whilst consequently also reducing stress, anxiety and cortisol.

What was the study?

This study tested whether changing ones non-verbal behaviour prior to a high stakes social evaluation (such as a job interview) would improve performance in the evaluated task.

Participants were manipulated to either hold a high-power pose (e.g. standing up straight with the hands on the hips) or a low-power pose (e.g. touching the neck while sitting) for seven minutes before a job interview.

As predicted high power posers performed better and were more likely to be chosen for hire, and this relationship was mediated only by presentation quality not the speech’s quality. The high power posers in contrast to the low, appeared to better maintain their composure, project more confidence and present more captivating and enthusiastic speeches, in turn leading to higher overall performance evaluations.

Its suggested by non-verbally manipulating power, the high power poses effectively took advantage of the psychological and physiological perks typically associated with high power, despite being in the low – power position in relation to the evaluators.

So, how can I fake it until I make it?

It is true, you don’t have to be confident, but you can trick your body into believing you are – which in turns makes others believe you are! So what is the difference (no one has to know you are shitting your pants but you!)

So next time…

• you go on a date

• go for a job interview

• have to deliver a presentation

• feel powerless due to hierarchical status within organisations,

• presenting/reporting to a manager

• even when competing for a promotion

…or are in any other social situation where you feel you are being judged or assessed…FAKE IT.

Get it done like a boss!

Take 5 minutes for yourself – get in the zone… Stand confidently with your hands on your hips, or lay back in your chair with your legs up on the desk and your hands behind your head…

Take up as much space as possible, it’s your space, you deserve to be here. Own it, you are powerful, believe in yourself, believe in the power of the mind. Embody it…

Now go get them boss!!

11 Tips on How To Stay Motivated to Achieve Goals

It is around this time of the year, people have got stuck back into work, getting the kids settled back into school and transporting them to their daily sporting commitments – that those new year resolutions and the best intentions you had to make this year YOUR year have lost their momentum with your energy being spent on various other commitments.

This blog, is just a quick one – letting you in on some secrets on how to keep the motivation to see those resolutions the whole year through.

Whatever your goals are – the best way to ensure you have the commitment and dedication to keep working at them is asking yourself where is the motivation coming from?

You will find that fire and focus is easier to maintain when the goals you are setting are intrinsically motivated.

You want them, you are willing to work and make sacrifices for them – because YOU want it. If you are setting a goal because someone else is telling you to or because society expects you to, you can bet when you are faced with your first hurdle you will struggle to source the energy and desire to jump.

Goals are fun.

They are not a chore or a way to beat yourself up – they are an opportunity to articulate clearly to the universe what you want and hold yourself accountable to take steps to get there!

That fire and passion will drive you no matter what obstacles you face because you genuinely and organically wake up each day yearning for it. Goals (it doesn’t matter how big or small) help give our lives purpose and meaning.

So if you are feeling like you are stuck in a rut – set a small goal to help you get up and moving (my previous blog has a goal setting activity to help you set your own goals).

11 Tips on keeping motivated to achieve goals

1.Hold yourself accountable.

Right from the beginning when you are setting your goals – don’t rely on anything that you don’t have power over. This is your goal – no one else’s. You are responsible for achieving it – if you are going to make excuses or blame others – it was never your goal to begin with. Hiccups and hurdles are part of the process, you set out to achieve YOUR goal, so remember these are not failures only feedback – what are you going to try next or do differently?

2.Just Start.

Trust me, setting the goal is the hardest part because you have had to sit down and really ask yourself what it is you truly want, what you are willing to sacrifice and work hard for. So as Nike says “just do it” – you don’t have to see the whole stair case just the first step.

3.Positive self-talk

Positive self-talk is important at all times however it is even more crucial when it comes to goals because if you let your doubt and self-limiting beliefs dominate your thought processes they will become your reality. You CAN do this, You are WORTHY of this, You WILL do this!

4.Visualize it!

Visualization is a technique used by many sporting and life coaches. It derives from Neuro Linguistic Programing – visualize yourself doing it, achieving it, how do you feel? What do you see, hear and smell? Who do you tell? What are you wearing? Who is there to share the moment with you and celebrate?

Visualizing makes it all more real as your brain builds stronger neuron connections, as it is not able to discriminate between real and imagined experiences – it produces the same hormones, neurological responses and feelings regardless, allowing you to tune in and refuel that fire regularly, reminding you of that satisfaction waiting at the end of all the hard work.

5.Write here, there and everywhere!

Repetition, constantly put it out into the universe, have little cues everywhere reminding you what you are doing it all for. Whether it be a picture of your dream holiday on the fridge, your body at it’s fittest as your phone background, having your goal written at the front of your dairy or on your bathroom mirror, having it set as your alarm in the mornings etc.

Another handy tip is having your goals as your passwords! These days with technology we have to enter them a few times each day, why not use these opportunities to refuel your motivation and commitment.

6.find Like minded friends!

Surround yourself with like-minded friends, friends who also have goals and aspirations of their own. People who encourage you, empower you and support you, it is true, your vibe attracts your tribe!

7.Get Help!

This goal is still YOUR goal – the destination at the end doesn’t change however sometimes a problem shared is a problem halved. Whether it be outsourcing some work so you can focus on some bigger goals, or seeking a mentor or life coach to help refuel your ambition.

8.Celebrate small wins!

In my earlier blog regarding goal setting – we advised big goals should be broken into smaller ones. This is done to help keep you motivated, to make the bigger goal more real and achievable. Use the smaller goals to track your progress and celebrate each victory! Celebrate your ambition, your commitment! You are doing it! You Go Glen Coco, you GO!

9.Get re-inspired!

Like happiness, like energy – you can’t expect to be feeling high levels of motivation and excitement 24/7. You do have to work at it and refuel that fire. So every now and then look for inspiration to keep that drive, whether it be from reading blogs, books, movies, documentaries or talking to others. The world is filled with amazing people with amazing stories – don’t get so caught up in your journey that you forget to notice the ambition that surrounds you, this helps ground you.

NOTE: this does not mean comparing your lives to others on social media so you feel inferior! It is about acknowledging we are all different people on different paths, and genuinely being happy, inspired and learning from others success (and failures).

10.Reflect!

Breaking those goals into smaller ones also allows you the opportunity to reflect. Reflect on where you have come from, how far you have come, who and what helped you, what you have learnt and how you have grown. This exercise helps to strengthen your gratitude and mindfulness.

11. Reassess!

I can’t say it enough, for your goals to be effective, they really do need to intrinsically motivate you… when you are regularly reflecting, ask yourself…

Is it pleasurable?

If the answer is No, ask yourself…

Is it still worth the sacrifices?

If the answer to both of these questions is No, then it is time to reassess. Don’t be hard on yourself, people change, life changes. Changing or choosing not to pursue certain goals does not mean you have failed.

Sometimes our values change as a result of our experiences and growth, and if you fail to reassess your goals frequently, your goals may no longer reflect your values, beliefs or who you are.

So Dream Big, Aim High and Have Fun! Go get em tiger!

Setting Goals that last the WHOLE New Year!

Setting Goals for the Year

Setting your goals and intentions for the New Year is not only an exercise to help you achieve success, but also allows you the time to reflect on how far you have come, the opportunity to ask yourself where it is you are going, where it is you want to be and ultimately – who do you want to be?

I know this time of the year can get vey hectic and it is a struggle to find some quiet time alone to set your goals. I’ll admit I am currently sitting on a plane on my way to the UK and it is the first opportunity I have had to sit, reflect, write and set my own goals.

Goals are Dreams with Legs

I am a big fan and advocate of goal setting. If I was to show you my goals and dreams I wrote down since finishing high school – it is as if I was telling or forecasting my future! Everything I wanted the universe has delivered!

I would love to think I was responsible for making these dreams come true – but I know setting those goals were essential in getting me to where I wanted. Goals provide you with direction and purpose. If you know what you want, what you are working towards and what is important to you – this can help guide you in every decision you make, provide clarity when you find yourself at a crossroad and empower you with motivation and direction when you find yourself lost.

Tips to making and sticking to New Years Resolutions

I am always writing blogs and sharing tips challenging your mindset and perspective, so you are able to become aware of your own values and desires, make sense of your own thoughts and get to know the real “authentic” you.

Now I want you to commit to honoring the real “authentic” you, with Nutritional and Health Coach Chani Carroso’s (some may know this amazing lady as ‘Healthy Peach’) simple goal setting activity that will start your New Year off with a Bang and will make sure it is filled with everything that makes your heart full­­!

Before you start, remember it’s about you

You need to ignore what everyone else is doing and achieving – Your life is about breaking your own limits and outgrowing yourself to live your best life. You are not in competition with anyone else – plan to out do your past not other people.

The first thing you will need to do is get yourself in the right head space. Find a big chunk out of one of the coming days before NYE to sit down and inspire yourself. Depending on what floats your boat, you may like to sit on the beach with a pen and notebook, or sit down on the couch with a yummy candle burning, or maybe in bed wrapped in donnas and pillows with your 2015 playlist playing in your headphones (For Chani she wrote this as she sat on her bed, in a pillow castle, fave candle burning, Chet Faker singing to her through her Bose and hair sandy, wet & salty from her morning ocean swim).

The fun part.

Writing down your wildest ideas. Section each page into the following:

1. Things you want to do

2. Who you want to be

3. What you want to see

4. What you want to have

5. What you want to learn and experience

6. Your one ultimate, main goal (Chani call’s it the biggie big)...

The one thing you're chasing in life. The thing you go to sleep dreaming about and wake up thinking about. Let your imagination run wild. If you have a blank spot, go to the next section/page and come back to where you got stuck later.

It will come to you. You need to have at least 3 blank moments before you have squeezed all the goal chaser juice out of you to have all of your wildest ideas on paper.

Now for each section, ask yourself the following questions:

1. Is it really my goal?

2. Is it morally right and fair to all who are concerned?

3. Can I emotionally commit to start and finish this goal?

4. Can I see myself reaching this goal?

5. Will it take me closer to my ultimate main goal (your ‘biggie big’)?

If you answered No to any of these questions, don't erase the goal, just strike a line through it and come back to it the next time you do this activity. It may not be the right time in your life for you to pursue it.

Go through and give each goal a date you want to achieve it by. Depending on how often you do this, you will have different dates for each goal, divide them into 3 month, 6 month, 1 year, 2 years and 5 year goals.

Ensure they are given a realistic time frame and work towards reaching that goal in time. You will probably find that all your little goals become the steps and journey you need to embark on to reach your biggie big. So order them perfectly and write your own future on paper.

SMART GOAL SETTING

This step is the last but the most crucial. You have to go through everything you've just written and use the S.M.A.R.T. formula. Work through one goal at a time, and take them through this process.

Your goals have to be ‘SMART’, which means: Specific , Measurable , Achievable, Results based and Time based

SPECIFIC

Be specific, cross all your t’s and dot all your i’s so to speak.

Example: “I want to buy my first home. Not an apartment, not a duplex, not a townhouse or in home in an estate, but a home with a yard in a central location close to my work.”

MEASURABLE

The best way to do this is to break it down into smaller achievable goals.

Example: “I will aim to have a deposit in 18 months time. I’ve worked out I need to save 15% of my earnings to achieve this. I will budget each pay, and begin a ‘do not touch savings account’ no exceptions and I WILL NOT touch this account until I'm ready to withdraw my deposit.

 I will stop online shopping to help me get here and to attempt to erase this genetic inbuilt habit of shopping, I will unsubscribe from boutique emails and delete the eBay app off my phone. Anything I have left over at the end of my pay cycle will go into my ‘do not touch savings account’.”

ACHIEVABLE

Your goals should challenge and stretch you a little, to make you work harder but make sure they are realistic.

Example of what NOT to write: “I will play the lotto once a week and enter a prize home draw every month to increase my chances of getting my first home.” This type of thinking will just putting a bad seed in your head. Abort! Earn your goals, don't bet your luck on trying to win them!

RESULTS BASED

If you have a goal that you’re a little iffy on, one that is hard, or will be hard to achieve (you went through 3 blank spots, its only natural to give yourself more then one biggie big), write down the obstacles and the benefits of eventually overcoming them, and achieving this goal.

Example: “I will probably miss out on a few expensive and fun outings with friends such as holidays and weekend get aways, but when I have 2/3 of my house deposit, I can start the fun part… shopping for houses, going to open homes and getting some inspo for my new home”

TIME BASED

Remember what it felt like the night before an exam, five coffee’s deep and cramming as if Dumbledore was going to give you a lifetime access pass to Hogwarts the next day if you got all the questions right?

Well same thing, give yourself a sense of urgency and a good timeframe. Anyone can save for a house deposit in 2 or 3 years time, but why not make it sooner. This will make you FOCUS on your biggie big and help you stay on track. Make your dreams real as soon as possible!

Thanks to Chani this fun little planning and goal setting activity will have you feeling inspired, motivated and focused - just in time for the New Year. It works by attracting those things in life you want to become a reality, helping those wildest ideas you thought never possible, an absolute reality. Be sure to check out Chani’s Website for more health and nutrition inspiration www.healthypeach.net.

TIPS

Use this activity to also reflect…

reflect on your year, what did you learn, what made you happy, what worked, what will you do differently next year. Remember there is no such thing as failure – only feedback. This strategy and way of thinking will help you in strengthening and practicing your mindfulness and gratitude.

A balanced life is reflective of balanced goals.

When you are setting your goals make sure they are reflective of your values. An easy way to ensure this is by listing your 5 top values, aspects of your life you prioritise over others - they don’t need to be in order.For Example; Health, Happiness, Family, Career, Finances.

If you're not sure what your top 5 values are... do this quick 5 min quizz and it will help work it out for you.

Then for each value make sure you have a corresponding goal – whether it be a big change or maintaining your current efforts. This ensures that one goal does not consume all your energy in the new year causing you to neglect other areas of life that are also important to you. This way you now have have a written commitment to hold yourself accountable to in the new year; to approach your life with a holistic and mindful approach.

Wishing you all a safe and Merry Christmas and a New Year filled with health and happiness, and a big THANKYOU to my friends, family and followers (old and new) for the support getting Life Above Zero off the ground.

I can’t wait to see what we all can achieve in 2015 and who I get to help on their journey. I’m excited! See you the first week back in January!

Sending Love and Light

Food for thought - Starve the Ego, Feed the Soul

It is the season to be Jolly

So it is getting to that time of the year, work parties, Christmas parties, New Year getaways, it is the season to be jolly! Every weekend seems to be filled with reasons to celebrate with yummy food, great drinks and even better company (and with good reason we should be celebrating - we made it, another year of health, happiness and lessons). Me personally, I am a sucker for a cheese platter and a Tia Maria with Coke! But…it hasn’t always been like that.

Is it worth the calories?

The old me (well in one of my phases of learning) the thought of having to test myself and my diet would cause me anxiety. I would very carefully way up if I had the will power to attend these events and not indulge or if it would be easier for me just to miss it altogether. I would count calories, I would punish myself with an extra long run. I would tell myself I didn't deserve dinner that night. Tragic I know, but I am confident when I say, I know I am not alone.

Maybe its Maybelline, or maybe it is a filter?

Being a girl in general, historically in the western culture we have been valued for our cosmetic make up. I know! I know! We have come a long way - women and men have both fought for women’s rights, now being more widely accepted and valued for our minds, our nature and our being.

However this is even complicated again by the massive presence of social media. I have read a lot of arguments from both sides advocating for and against the pressure of social media on women’s self-esteems, and they both have very good points - social media can manipulate and taunt your ego but only if you allow it.

We all know better, on our best days...

It takes a strong willed, confident, wise and content woman to consciously resist the influence and temptation to compare themself to the photo shopped and filtered images of the ideal woman which seem to be plastered everywhere these days; TV, movies, magazine, Facebook, instagram, billboards etc.

But who are these confident invincible women? Sure, we are all her on our best days, we know and acknowledge that photo was probably her 50th attempt of sucking in, pocking her ass out and playing with the filter effects.

But, we all have days where we feel inadequate, where we feel we fall short and we buy into the comparison game (even that girl you are comparing yourself to) - and that is OK, it has a lot to do with the evolution of our psyche (which is explained in an earlier blog ‘it’s OK to not be OK’).

I have been there...

Not only am I a girl in the 21st century who has Instagram and Facebook to turn to for regular reminders of all the amazingly beautiful women out there, I am also a dancer, who out of all places - lives on the Gold Coast. I have been in the industry where I have been told I was too big.

I have been told before if I wanted to be given any more work - I would need to loose weight. I have been surrounded by the culture of girls experimenting with laxatives, prescription drugs such as duromine, and discussions of the easiest ways to bring your food back up.

Surrounded by the lifestyle of weighing food portions and strict routines of eat, gym, sleep, repeat. I am a big advocate for a healthy lifestyle - but not when it consumes you.

It is a poisonous mindset I felt the more I focused on weight, the harder it was to loose it (in hindsight I wish I knew about the effect women's hormones and contraception can have on weight - punishing myself for something that was outside of my control did not help). I hated the gym but did it because I thought that is what I needed to do.

I ate a bland boring diet. I would get jealous of girls eating whatever they wanted because I knew I couldn’t do that without experiencing a heavy weight of guilt. I deliberately committed to three jobs as well as uni so it wasn’t even possible for me to attend these social events and be tempted by unhealthy choices. It was a poisonous mindset that dominated every second of every day and dictated every decision I made.

I was lucky, I realised early and chose to make changes that I deserved...

I was lucky, this mindset didn’t stick around for long. The fact that I could recall a time of my life that I didn’t think like that was enough motivation for me to make some changes. Part of me felt that my thinking habits were instinctual - normal - like every girl thought like that, but slowly I came to the realisation I was very wrong - there is so much more to life than continuously monitoring my intake and experiencing waves of guilt.

Food is your friend Now, I am not opening myself up for fire; I understand these symptoms I described earlier probably was the early onset of an eating disorder, and those who do suffer such unfortunate diseases can’t be magically cured by reading this blog, they need the long term support of a mental health practitioner.

I am not naive and I also understand this is not an issue that affects solely women. I acknowledge I am no diet or nutrition expert - however I do know about psychology, challenging and changing perspective in order to experience gratitude and mindfulness - a healthy relationship with food and exercise.

Food should be your friend! Eating something yummy literally makes you happy by releasing endorphins. Our culture like so many others, is built around sharing food, drinks and laughter with friends and family. We need food to fuel our body – it’s imperial that you are able to build a healthy relationship with food not only for you happiness, but your survival!

7 Tips on building a healthy relationship with food and exercise.

1. Eat to fuel your mind, body and soul.

Firstly, a conscious effort to incorporate healthy nutritional meals in your diet and limit junk food is great. However how many of you have started diets? Finished diets? Then gone back to your previous way of eating? I am guessing most of you.

This can be fixed by changing your mindset. Don’t limit yourself to a “diet”, don’t deny yourselves food that literally makes you happy! Skip the diet, just eat healthy! Eat cookie dough when your heart wants it, and kale salad when you’re body needs it. A balanced healthy diet – everything in moderation. Trust me, your mind, body and soul will thank you.

2. Be mindful.

When you are eating, make sure you enjoy each mouthful, savor the taste. Sure when you are having your favourite ice cream, you go right ahead and demolish it! You Go Glen Coco You Go! We aren’t superheroes, everyone has their kryptonite. But, try to get in a habit of  paying attention to your body.

Sit down at a table to eat, rather than eating on the go or while watching TV. Be aware of how your body is feeling, are you full? Have a glass of water, leave it for 10 minutes and give your brain time for your body’s messages to register before you go for seconds (those left overs could be your free lunch tomorrow). Let your body guide you.

3. Be grateful for what you have before you loose it.

Like the relationship you had with your parents before they past away, or a past friendship or lover lost - don’t wait until it’s too late before you realise what you have. Do you recall a time where you had even a cold or flu and you told yourself you would do anything to be healthy again? Well use that same mindset with your body. You only have one, take care of it.

Don’t exercise to loose weight, don’t exercise to get that bikini body, exercise to clear your head, exercise to release endorphins, exercise to prevent cardiovascular disease, exercise to prevent diabetes, exercise to delay the onset of alzheimer’s. Exercise is not punishment - it is a gift. There is someone somewhere who lives their life in a wheel chair and would give anything to go for a run - don’t take your ability for granted.

4. If you don’t like it, don’t do it!

There is no use forcing yourself to go for a run if you hate every minute of it. Likewise there is no point in dragging yourself to the gym if you don’t enjoy yourself! It is so much easier to lead a healthy and active lifestyle when you are honest to yourself and play to your strengths. What do you like? You hate exercise and find it easier to feed your competitive side - get involved in a team sport.

You enjoy the energy and support of a gym - go and pump some weights. You enjoy the peace and solitude that comes with a morning walk - well put your runners on and enjoy ‘your time’. Remember why you are doing it. No-one is forcing you to exercise - you are doing it because some part of it aligns with your values. You are doing this because you want to, you are doing this for you!

 5. Be kind to yourself, you are human.

As I spoke earlier in regards to the mindset of ‘diets’. You are setting yourself up to be punished. You are setting some distinct rules on what you can and can’t do, and no-one likes being told what to do! Rules are made to be broken, and as humans it is in our nature to do exactly that – otherwise there wouldn’t be prisons, divorce, school detentions or time out in the naughty corner!

So after you have demolished that whole tub of cookie-dough ice-cream, don’t beat yourself up and send your self off on a guilt trip (I am sure the belly ache will be punishment enough in itself)…instead, acknowledge ‘that was naughty…oh but so worth it’ and maybe wait until the next weekend before you go do it again, that way it still has the novelty of being a treat.

 6. Pick your friends wisely.

Choose your friendship, leisure, sporting and work groups carefully. You have control over what circle you choose to stay in, so make sure you are choosing contexts that support and encourage you to be the best version of you. I am not sure if it is just a stereotype on the Gold Coast, or if it is the impression the rest of Australia also has on the people that live here, but I often hear “The Gold Coast is so pretentious - people here are so fake”.

Yes, l admit I understand how some people may have that perception, but that is a result of the environment they are in and the people they are choosing to mingle with. I love dancing, but due to the context that surrounded me for a while I lost my passion for it. I consciously decided to leave that environment, as I very well knew you become a product of your environment, and the values that were surrounding me no longer reflected ones I stood for.

Yes the Gold Coast has the best nightlife, but it also has the most beautiful beaches and rainforests. If you don’t want to spend every weekend following your friend’s unhealthy drinking habits, look for friends in different circles, put on your runners and go for a hike, go stand up paddle boarding. Fill your friendship circles with healthy influences, people who pick you up, motivate you, remind you of your worth and support your mind, body and soul.

7. Lead by example.

Women, we are our biggest critics. It is very rare that you hear a man putting a woman down for her weight, eating or exercise habits. We are the ones (majority of the time) making a snide remark “have you seen her in real life? She is fat”, “she’s skinny fat, she’s not toned”, “she would have the perfect body if she had an ass”…etc…the list goes on. Have you heard the quote “girls compete with each other, women empower one another?”.

Once again I don’t agree with insulting a woman’s maturity, but it is true to a certain extent. With experience, wisdom and self-love women do realise competing with some one is just playing to your insecurities. You are beautiful. Every woman is beautiful, and this is because our bodies look different, our minds think different and our souls yearn for different things.

So to help other women, and to do your part in changing women’s mindsets, every once in a while upload a photo of yourself or you girlfriends without a filter or any edits. Lead by example, show other women it is OK to be you, the real authentic you (freckles, stretchmark’s and all)!

When you hear another woman critiquing/commenting on another’s body, I don’t advise you attack her or even instigate a heated debate, what about just commenting on something you love about her rather than joining in on the slamming. Demonstrate to other women what supporting women looks like, so they can learn to do the same.

Lead by example, hopefully with enough leaders leading the self-love movement and consciously resisting the urge to feed the ego and instead choosing to feed their mind, body and soul, others will be encouraged and taught to do the same.

There is no such thing as an un-resourceful person, only an un-resourceful mind.

Working in Child Protection

I definitely have struggles with my world view, my expectations of myself and others, and my understanding of humanity. Each day (as most people do) I learn from experience and self-reflection. There are big discrepancies between what I know, what I have personally experienced and what I see and hear.

A lot of people have the perception to be a Life Coach you have to have gone through something pretty traumatic to be able to motivate others on how to overcome triumph and achieve success.

Sorry no sob story here.

I am not going to lie to you. That’s one of my strengths as a Life Coach and as a Child Safety Officer – I am transparent. I come from a pretty normal upbringing – however I can vouch that all my successes I have achieved on my own, nothing was handed to me, I do know the value of hard work and independence…well at least that is what I used to say to myself.

I have done a lot, seen a lot and know a lot for my age. I used to take pride in the fact I did it on my own. However since working in Child Protection I have come to realise something different.

My Story.

My Mum and Dad never gave me a cent. I got a job at 13 (with a letter of consent from my parents that I could work under the legal age of 14 and 9 months). I bought my first car by myself, studied hard and sat my HSC.

I was the first person in my family to be accepted into university let alone even apply. I gained a scholarship for university. I moved 14 hours away from everyone and everything I had ever known at 18. I worked 4 jobs. I wasn’t eligible for centrelink so I paid my own bills.

I studied hard, gaining myself another scholarship, which enabled me to study overseas and travel. I finished my degree and got into Honours, which lead me to a Graduate position working in QLD Government Child Protection.

What I have learnt from working in child protection.

As I tried to shorten my life story earlier in attempt to explain, I am not a stranger to hard work. But working with families in Child Protection – I have come to realise I didn’t do it by myself. Yes, I looked those scary dreams in the eye and went in for battle, however I was never alone.

I have always had the support of a loving mum, dad and two younger brothers. A nuclear family in itself is a gift – so many today come from broken families and homes. From a young age I was encouraged I could be who ever I wanted to be, I could go wherever I wanted to go, I could achieve whatever I could dream (to their dismay I don’t think they anticipated I would have been chasing those dreams so fast).

In this world there are a lot of things that are out of our control, but our actions aren’t one of them.

Don’t get me wrong, my childhood wasn’t sheltered, but I definitely survived unscathed. Like all kids I battled the schoolyard daemons, having buckteeth in primary school didn’t make it easy to avoid the bullies.

But I think it’s from those experiences I learnt young that people’s actions and words weren’t a reflection of who I was. It didn’t make a difference how pure my intentions were or how nice I was – they were going to act like that regardless. I had no control over it – it was a reflection of their reality – all I could do was have control over my actions. This is a lesson I still try to teach in my practice today;

““People are often unreasonable and self-centered. Forgive them anyway. If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. Be kind anyway. If you are honest, people may cheat you. Be honest anyway. If you find happiness, people may be jealous. Be happy anyway. The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway. Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough. Give your best anyway.””

— Mother Teresa

Despite being fearful of catching the school bus with these bullies – I chose to put my head down at school and after 3pm I would invest myself in a different area and a different group of friends.

This lead me to true friendships and what became my outlet for years – dancing. From here I kept building on my perspective of the world, becoming more accepting, positive and at peace with my place in it.

I had the self-confidence instilled from family. I had a sense of autonomy and mastery having had been given the space and opportunities by my parents to grow and test myself – I knew my self-worth because I had never been treated badly by a loved one (let me note I wasn’t dating yet, those heartbreaks were yet to come!).

You are not your past.

I am not saying, that you need to come from a loving childhood to achieve success. I am not saying for your future to be bright you can’t have scars from the past and I definitely do not believe your past defines you, otherwise I would not be working in the area I am.

I am saying – understanding the effect of having a loving child hood or having support or the lack of, from family can assist in comprehending why some are having trouble achieving the same goals as others later in life, or living to different social standards or holding different values.

For one a goal may be to expand on their investment portfolio, to another it might just be to be able to look in the mirror and not hate the person they see, it might be to last a whole week sober, to be able to understand why they self- sabotage every relationship they enter, or to understand why their parents struggle to show them love.

Behaviours are reflections of beliefs.

A lot of people’s pasts and upbringings affect the thoughts, beliefs and values they have. The unhelpful ones in particular – self-limiting beliefs - are the ones that cause the most disruptive behaviours and resistance.

But the good news is, that’s all they are; beliefs. They are not your reality. They can be challenged and changed. For outsiders, you need to understand behaviours are reflections of people’s beliefs.

If someone is not respecting their bodies, their health or is allowing others to treat them badly –they need someone to remind them of their self-worth, encourage them to believe in themselves.

People are not their behaviours.

Accept people. Assist them in changing their beliefs in order to change their behaviour. I get asked a lot how I work in child protection and that is my secret; I whole-heartedly accept every one of my clients. I don’t judge them, I hear their story.

I get told I am naïve. Even in the area of work I am in, I see the best in people. I strongly believe that there is no such thing as an un-resourceful person, just an un-resourceful mind. People do the best they can, with the knowledge and resources they have available at that given time.

You can’t expect a bird, who has been caged for it’s whole life – to one day when the gate is left open to fly free and survive. But I assure you, slowly with support and encouragement it might.

We all need a little support and a little understanding.

Its OK to not be OK - Pain is Normal

““My friends on the mainland think just because I live in Hawaii, I live in paradise, like a permanent vacation. We’re all just out here, sipping Mai Tais, shaking our hips, catching waves. Are they insane? Do they think we are immune to life? How can they possibly think our families are less screwed up, our cancers less fatal, our heartache less painful?”

”

— The Descendants

I love to read widely to strengthen my practice and keep it up to date with the latest research. I am a firm believer in walking my talk, I encourage my clients to always be learning and growing - so consequently here are some of my teachings based on Russ Harris's book 'The Happiness Trap'. If you would like to read more and gain a better understanding behind the psychological practice behind this theory I encourage you to have a read yourself.

SSHH… I WILL TELL YOU A SECRET.

What if I was to tell you, that almost everything you believed about finding happiness turned out to be inaccurate, misleading or false?

There is a growing body of scientific research that suggests we are all caught in a powerful psychological trap, a vicious cycle in which the more we try to find happiness the more we suffer.

Friends posting on instagram what their partner did for them, magazines feeding us what we have to look like to be desirable, TV advertisements manipulating us to believe we need to own materialistic objects to be happy, government policies forcing us to conform to a lifestyle and belief that we need to ‘work’ 5 days a week – 260 days a year to deserve a couple of weeks break, society selling us the concept of having a career, your own home and settling down with kids of your own is the epitome of happiness…why is it then we have an increasing amount of middle aged – middle class women suffering from depression and anxiety?

They have followed the recipe book for a fulfilled and happy life to the T – then found themselves full of despair and confusion when they don’t feel as ecstatic as they were told they would be – did I pour in ¾ cup too much of having fun?

BUT… I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAPPY

In the Western world we now have a higher standard of living than humans have ever known before.

We have better medical treatment, better housing conditions, better sanitation, more money, more welfare services, and more access to education, justice, travel, entertainment, and career opportunities. Today’s middle class live better than the royalty did not so long ago. And yet humans today don’t seem very happy.

OH YEAH, SAYS WHO?

Research says. The statistics speak for themselves;

In any given year almost 30% of the adult population will suffer from a recognised psychological disorder.

The World Health Organization estimates that depression is currently the fourth biggest, costliest, and most debilitating disease in the world and by the year 2020, it will be the second biggest. In any given week, one tenth of the adult population is suffering from clinical depression, and one in five will suffer from it at some point in their life-time.

But even more startling is the fact that almost one in two people will go through a stage in life when they seriously consider suicide and will struggle with it for a period of two weeks or more. Scarier still, one in ten people will at some point actually attempt to kill themselves….

I’ll give you a moment for those numbers to resonate with you…

Think of your friends, your family, your co-workers, the random masses of people walking around your local shopping center…almost half of them will at some point be so overwhelmed by misery that they seriously contemplate suicide. One in ten will actually go on to attempt it.

It becomes obvious, lasting, ever flowing happiness is not normal!

BUT WHY CAN’T I ALWAYS BE HAPPY?

Let me take you on a brief psychology lesson exploring evolutionary theory.

Today, our modern human minds have evolved with amazing abilities to analyse, plan, create and communicate. This evolutionary process has taken a long time – not like the agonizing week long wait for the next episode of orange is the new black to come out- more like a hundred thousand years (no exaggeration).

First on the planet – were these bad ass homo sapiens. They were equipped with minds to help them survive in a world full of danger. They weren’t lazing around telling jokes with ‘bae’ or counting how many likes their last insta post got. They were only concerned with meeting their four essential needs to survive and reproduce; food, water, shelter and sex.

However none of these things mattered if you were dead. So the number one priority: look out for anything that might harm you – and avoid it. The smarter mind was able to avoid more bullies, which meant they were able to live longer, which meant they had more time to have jiggy jiggy and make babies.

SO…AS THE STORY GOES…

So with each generation the mind became increasingly more effective in predicting and avoiding danger.

And now, after one hundred thousand years of evolution, the modern mind is constantly on the lookout; is it dangerous? Harmful or helpful?

However these days we aren’t on the look out for saber-toothed tigers, instead its loosing our job, being rejected, getting a speeding ticket, getting cancer, embarrassing ourselves in public or a million other things. As a result we spend a lot of our time worrying about things that more often than not, never happen.

Another essential for the survival of any early human is to belong to a group. If your crew or squad booted you out, it wouldn’t be long until the wolves found you. So how does the mind protect you from rejection of the group?

By comparing yourself with others, both friends and foes to assess is your membership at threat; Am I fitting in? Am I doing the right thing? Am I as good as the others?

SOUND FAMILIAR?

Our modern-day minds are continuously warning us of rejection and comparing us to the rest of society.

No wonder we spend so much energy worrying if other people will like us. No wonder we are always looking at ways to improve ourselves or putting ourselves down because we don’t ‘measure up’.

A hundred thousand years ago we only had a few members of our immediate tribe to compare ourselves to. But today, we only need to glance at a newspaper, a magazine, swipe down on our Facebook or instagram newsfeeds to instantly find a whole host of people who are skinnier, richer, sexier, more powerful, more famous or more successful than we are.

When we compare ourselves up against these glamorous media creations, we feel inferior or disappointed with our lives. To make matters worse, our minds are now so sophisticated they can conjure up a fantasy image of the person we would ideally like to be – and then we compare ourselves to that! What chance have we got? We will always end up feeling not good enough.

GET MORE. GET BETTER.

Now for any Stone Age Person with ambition, the general rule for success is; get more and get better.

The better the weapons, the more food you can kill. The larger your foods stores, the greater your chances for survival in times of scarcity. The better your shelter, the safer you are from wild weather and animals, the more children you have, the greater chance that some will survive into adulthood.

No surprise, our evolved mind also carried this strategy forward, we today are still lead to believe “more and better”, more money, a better job, more status, a better body, more love, a better partner.

And if we succeed, if we do get more money, or a better car, or a bigger house or buy a bigger set of tits, then we are satisfied – for a while. But sooner or later (and usually sooner), we end up wanting more.

Thus evolution has shaped our brains so that we are hardwired to suffer psychologically: to compare, evaluate, criticize ourselves and others, to focus on what we are lacking, to rapidly become dissatisfied with what we have, and to imagine all sorts of frightening scenarios, most of which will never happen. No wonder we find it hard to always be happy.

WHAT IS HAPPINESS?

We all want it. We all crave it. We all strive for it. Even the Dalai Lama has said “The very purpose of life is to seek happiness.”

But what exactly is it? The word happiness has two different meanings. The common meaning of the word is “feeling good”. In other words, feeling a sense of pleasure, gladness or gratification – a state. We all enjoy these feelings, so it’s no surprise that we chase them.

However, like any human emotion, feelings of happiness don’t last. No matter how hard we try to hold onto them, they slip away every time. And a life spent in pursuit of happiness is, in the long term deeply unsatisfying. In fact, the harder we chase after pleasurable feelings, the more we are likely to suffer from anxiety and depression.

The other far less common meaning of happiness is “living a rich, full and meaningful life”. When we take action on the things that truly matter deep in our hearts, move in directions that we consider valuable and worthy, clarify what we stand for in life and act accordingly, then our lives become rich, full and meaningful, and we experience a powerful sense of vitality.

This is not some fleeting feeling – it is a mindset that appreciates and understands a life well lived. And although such a life will undoubtedly give us many pleasurable feelings, it will also give us uncomfortable ones, such as fear, sadness, and anger. This is only to be expected. If we live a full life, we will feel the full range of human emotions…happiness being among them.

I STILL DON’T GET IT…IS IT POSSIBLE TO BE HAPPY?

Of course we all enjoy feeling good, and we should certainly make the most of the pleasant feelings when they appear. But if we try to have them all the time, we are doomed to fail.

The reality is, life involves pain. There is no getting away from it. As human beings we are all faced with the fact that sooner or later we will grow frail, get sick and die. Sooner or later we all will loose valued relationships through rejection, separation or death. Sooner or later we will all come to face with crises, disappointment and failure. This means that in one form or another, we are all going to experience painful thoughts and feelings.

SO YOU MEAN TO BE TRULY HAPPY I DON’T HAVE TO BE HAPPY?

More or less, yes. By truly understanding that the grass isn’t greener on the other side.

The good news is that although we cant avoid such pain we can learn to handle it much better – to make room for it, reduce its impact, and create a life worth living despite it.

The sad thing is for so long society has told us something different. From a young age we are taught we should be able to control our feelings. When you were young I am sure you heard a number of expressions like “don’t cry”, “stop feeling sorry for yourself”, “there’s nothing to be afraid of”, “stop being a sook”…

With phrases such as these, the adults around us are sending the message again and again that we ought to be able to control our feelings.

But what was going on behind their closed doors?

They may have been drinking too much, having an affair, throwing themselves into work, suffering in silence whilst slowly developing stomach ulcers. Whatever method they used to cope, I bet they probably didn’t share those experiences with you.

THIS IS SOMETHING YOU MAY NOT OF HEARD OF BEFORE….ITS CALLED SADNESS AND YES, IT IS NORMAL.

On those rare occasions when you did get to witness their loss of control, I am betting they never explained to you “okay, these tears are because I am feeling something called sadness. It’s a normal feeling, and you can learn to handle it effectively”. But then, that’s not too surprising, they couldn’t show you how to handle your emotions because they didn’t know how to handle theirs.

The idea that you should be able to control your feelings was undoubtedly reinforced in your school years. Do you recall kids who cried at school being teased for being “crybabies”, or “sissies” – especially if they were boys?

Then, as you grew older, you probably heard phrases (or even used them yourself) such as “get over it”, “snap out of it”, “shit happens”, “move on”, “chill out” and so on. These phrases imply that you should be able to turn your feelings on and off at will, like flicking a switch.

BUT EVERYONE ELSE LOOKS HAPPY

And why is this myth so compelling? Because people around us seem, on the surface, to be happy.

They seem to be in control of their thoughts and feelings, they always post happy photos on their instagram and facebook. But seem is the key word here. The fact is most people are not open or honest about the struggle they go through with their own thoughts and feelings.

Too many people are feeling guilty for not being happy. The secret to happiness is not always being happy, but understanding the concept of happiness by practicing mindfulness – allowing your perspective to be challenged.

Everyone’s pain deserves to be validated – we all have permission to be upset.

It is OK to not be OK. We are all human, it is part of our evolved design… and it is not weak to speak about it, as I highlighted the statistics earlier – you are definitely not alone and there are services that can help if sadness is hanging around for prolonged periods.

The organisation LIVIN is a great place to start – gaining momentum in breaking down mental health stigma’s around the globe. You can click on their website if you would also like some referrals to further support services.

LIFE IS ONLY AS GOOD AS YOUR MINDSET.

1. Don’t be manipulated by status, fashion or money. Don’t allow society to dictate to you what should make you happy.

2. Practice self-awareness and mindfulness. Are you aware of what makes you happy? Be motivated by your values, live your life in accordance to what is important to you.

3. Acknowledge when you’re not feeling OK. Accept it. Allow it. Try to change the way you think about it. Did you learn something? Did you grow? Did it make you happy at the time? Did it allow you the opportunity to reassess your values? Did it give you the opportunity to have a good old-fashioned cry, devour a tub of cookie dough ice-cream and let it all out?

It is OK, to not be OK.

Letting Go and Dealing with Breakups

Letting Go by Life Above Zero

The Breakup - Letting Go 101

““That’s the thing about pain. It demands to be felt” ”

— John Green, The Fault in Our Stars

YOU’LL BE IN PAIN

Yes, it hurts. Unfortunately, pain does not discriminate. It affects us all: the elderly, children, men, women, the rich and the poor. Every race in every country, in every town or city or village is subject to pain.

The pain of stubbing a toe, the pain of a broken bone or a split lip. Then there is a different kind of pain, which is not tangible, not as obvious to others as a sling or bruise.

BIG GIRLS CRY

Girls get it over and done with. Generally, we accept that the fairer sex, women, tend to talk about when they’re in emotional pain. Women cry and talk and cry some more and analyse their break up from every angle so it can be resolved.

Research has identified that women do fall in love faster; ironically they also get over relationships faster than their male counterparts.

…BOYS CRY TOO?! 

Sorry guys, you suck at moving on. Men, at the end of a relationship tend to (on average, according to research - apologies for the generalisation to those emotionally intelligent blokes reading) revert to wearing a façade. Men will say they’re OK, and genuinely believe that for some time.

They will distract themselves with anything they can get their hands on - mates, alcohol, sport, gym, work and casual sex for a few months. This is partly why the suicide rate is higher amongst men, but that is a discussion for another day.

Eventually, when their façade begins to weaken, their pain creeps up and surprises them. Finding themselves being faced with a failed relationship will push a man to one of two conclusions.

1. Man realises he really is happier without Sally. He goes about his business and meets Jill.

2. Man realises he really isn’t ok. He realises he’s made a mistake and usually by this time Sally has moved on and is now dating Jack.

WELCOME TO THE CLUB

Failed relationships - we all have them. Gen Y, we’ve come up with a brilliant foolproof plan for moving on (excuse the sarcasm);

• You explained to them how you felt and the need for the clean break - because we are all mature adults who can handle talking about emotions right?

• You cut them out of your life - let’s be honest, you blocked them on Facebook but are using your best friends account to keep an eye on them.

• You are moving forward with your life… well you’re trying to and are hoping that whoever you’ve left behind is seeing all your fabulous Instagram posts about how well you’re doing without them.

JUST STOP…

What you’re doing is not working. These are all appropriate and relevant steps and congratulations for being decisive enough to walk away from anything that no longer serves you, grows you, or makes you happy. However, as much as I would like to tell you you are on your way….I am sorry to say you are not. The crazy Facebook stalking and forced smile in your Instagram selfie isn’t fooling anyone, including yourself.

WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?!

The “…but’s”, “…what if’s” & “…I should have’s” are making you crazy. It’s a slow process, but you will get there. Firstly, we need to explore your thinking. The reason people have trouble letting go of relationships are usually the huge questions of ‘WHY’ and ‘WHAT IF’. Generally there is still resentment or disbelief as to how one party fell short of the others expectations, or because there is unfinished business. This can have very negative effects on your mindset and wellbeing.

RESENTMENT.

Let it go. As the famous Nelson Mandala states “Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies”, wasting energy hating another person is not doing you any favours.

If they did something to hurt you why are you the one who is being punished feeling all this hate? If they haven’t been bothered enough to address and solve the situation, you allowing them to consume your energy is having no affect on them.

You lie awake thinking of your situation. They are sleeping just fine. The only thing you are doing is closing yourself off from all the gifts the universe is trying to give to you, if only you were present. Allow your past to make you better, not bitter.

EXPECTATIONS.

Expect things only of yourself, that way you cannot be disappointed. A wise woman (my beautiful mother) once told me not to place my own expectations onto someone else. The old saying ‘treating others how you would like to be treated’ still stands during the break down of a relationship. I know you don’t want to, but give your best anyway.

Unfortunately there are no rules or textbook dictating each role in a relationship and there certainly aren’t any rules during the ending of a relationship. You have to just learn and move forward. At least next time you’ll allocate your energies accordingly.

IT’S NOT ALL ABOUT YOU.

It’s tough to believe, but generally a break up affects both of you. Try to be mindful of how the other person feels, just because things have ended between you does not make them a bad person.

Maybe they were brought up with different family values, maybe their culture doesn’t hold the same beliefs or meaning, maybe they have been hurt before and you are just witnessing their carefully critiqued coping mechanism.

YOU’VE DONE ALL YOU CAN

There is probably nothing more you can do to fix the situation. All you can do is acknowledge you did all you were willing to at the time; you were the best person you could be. Simply understand it happened and dwelling on it, re-living it, ruminating on every little detail won’t change anything.

You only prevent yourself from closing a chapter and getting closer to your happy-ever-after. So let go of the negative energy. Let go of the hate. Let go of the heavy burden. Forgive them, not because they deserve it, but because you do.

BUT WHAT IF I HAD…?

You’ve done all you can. So, the unfinished business…the “what if?” What if what? This is one I hear over and over again. Insert your excuse: timing, priorities, work, travelling, etc.

If you were to be brutally honest with yourself, if you both truly wanted it you would both be fighting for it, now! So write down every reason you’re telling yourself is the excuse for the prolonged clean break.

Once you have written them all down – imagine each of those excuses being as you want them to be. How do you feel now? I am confident you still won’t feel ready to commit.

That’s because; yes you like them, you like the comfort you find in them - its not enough. Be honest to yourself – you like them, or maybe they like you, but not enough.

THE CHAPTER IS OVER.

Closure. It’s something so many women yearn for and I swear so many men would benefit from were it socially acceptable for men to talk about feelings (we are closer than any other generation when it comes to men and their feelings - Gen Y give yourself a pat on the back).

This is such a powerful step for moving forward. You need to have already sat and made peace with your thoughts and acknowledged your feelings. Once you have explored your feelings – I am sure you will have some questions.

Why did they hurt me? Did I do something wrong? Did they not understand me?

After the chaos has cleared, and you can muster up the courage to talk to the other party without your heart dropping to your stomach or breaking down into tears –ask them those questions.

Ask for some honest feedback. Maybe it was you, maybe it was them. There is no such thing as failure in life, just lessons – and that includes relationships too.

Learn from past mistakes – grow – love – live. BUT IT’S NOT THAT EASY! It will get easier. I know there’s probably many of you reading this thinking ‘yes if only it was that easy’. Or maybe you have tried all the above and still can’t let go. And that’s Ok - You got burnt. Bad.

But as cliché as it sounds, you can’t have the rainbow without the rain. Would you rather have loved and lost than to never know what it felt like to love and be loved in return?

I STILL CAN’T LET GO

Remember, you’re in control of you. OK, OK – here is a sneaky psychology trick to help. You are in charge of your thoughts and with that, you can control your reality.

STEP 1

Challenge your schemas (sorry about the jargon, schemas are mental representations you create based on information provided by life experience then stored in your memory).

All the things they may have done to upset you, intentional or not, tie it up in parcel in your memory. That’s one schema. Throw it away. It happened. It hurt. It left you with a scar, but you grew from it.

STEP 2

Now, think of all the good memories, the innocence, the smiles, the laughter, the belonging, the friendship…don’t tie that up. Scatter them in a mental scrapbook with bright vibrant stick it notes, like little reminders of the fun.

When you think of them, when you hear their name, when a song comes on that reminds you of them, look back at your mental scrapbook of all the great memories and smile. Never ever regret something that once made you smile.

You can’t just wake up one morning and not love someone anymore – and if you can it wasn’t love. Acknowledge and give yourself permission to admit you loved them, you will always love them but you’re no longer in love with them.

Radiate positive energy, be grateful for your time with them and hope wherever they are they are happy, just as you deserve to be happy, and finally let them go.